Broken Wings Can Still Fly
by Descendant of Doom
Summary: Now 18, the Titans live apart but still work together. One is trapped in an abusive relationship, will they be able to love another and can they return that love? Beginning TerraBB and RaeOCBBRae on side RobStar CyBee Lyrics each Chapter. Rating Now M
1. Dream On

A/N: This is an idea that kind of came at me a long time ago but couldn't find the right setting, characters, etc and then I did. So here is the result. This is a chapter story with a song for each chapter written in. So I hope you like it. Enjoy!

_Italics _for song lyrics

'_Italics'_ for thoughts

Warnings: Abuse, violence, and others may show up. That's what the rating is for.

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans though I wish I did. I don't own the song by Aerosmith. I do own the White Wizard (I think).

_**Broken Wings Still Can Fly**_

_Chapter One_

_Dream On_

She sighed internally as she opened her eyes to the dark bedroom. She quietly slipped out of the bed as not to disturb the other occupant. Padding out of the room soundlessly knowing what would happen if she woke him before he wanted to be. She entered the bathroom down the hall, closing the door before turning on the light and fan.

She moved to the sink turning on the tap, splashing water on her face knowing the make-up from the day before was being washed away. She raised her head to stare into the mirror. The face in the mirror was one she didn't know anymore.

Dark bags were under dull amethyst eyes. A bruise, the smarting shade of dark purple, adorned her right cheek and another on the left side of her jaw. Her lip was swollen and split in a painful way that it hurt for her to talk. That was only her face; her body was in worse shape.

_Every time I look in the mirror_

_All these lines on my face getting clearer_

Raven shook her head as she turned on the shower. She slipped off the white silky nightgown, before stepping into the hot shower. She stepped under the spray, letting it run over her damaged body. Her mind was on the last few years.

The Titans had stayed together and still even fought crime together. Only Robin and Starfire stayed in the Tower with a few members of the Titans East. The two were still pretending like they didn't have feelings for each other. Cyborg was in an apartment close to the downtown core. Terra came back when they were 16 and a few months later, Beast Boy was dating her officially. At 16, Beast Boy had changed in physical appearance which had been a shock for everyone. They now lived in an apartment across town. Everyone seemed happy with how everything turned out.

Raven sighed. _'Everyone is happy, everyone but me. What happened when it was just the five of us? Look how my life turned out though. I'm living with a man who uses me as his personal punching bag but everyone thinks I couldn't be happier and my life is perfect.'_ She thought miserably.

_The past is gone_

_It goes by, like dusk to dawn_

_Isn't that the way_

_Everybody's got their dues in life to pay_

Raven grabbed the shampoo as she felt the numbness from the last year take over. Two years with him and he controlled her whole life. She couldn't leave him; he had made sure of that. He manipulated her so she could never leave, he would hurt her friends if she did. Yet he hurt her every day sometimes more than once just because he could. Nobody knew. He made sure of it. Her bruises, her broken bones, her cuts all were supposedly from fighting criminals and otherwise it was covered by clothing and make-up.

She sighed heavily pressing her head against the cool white tiles. Now she knew this was her punishment for her sin, her curse, her power. She was tainted and she would never truly be loved because of who she was. She was a demon, evil and unworthy of being loved.

_Yeah, I know nobody knows_

_Where it comes and where it goes_

_I know it's everybody's sin_

_You got to lose to know how to win_

Raven shook her head as she finished getting ready for the day. Then she started breakfast knowing she had about 15 minutes before he would be up. She moved around the kitchen making the food. She heard him open the bedroom door as she placed the breakfast on the table before grabbing toast and tea for herself, sitting on the opposite side of the table with a book in her lap. She glanced up as Mark walked into the room. He sat down before looking over the food in front of him.

_'What happened?'_ Raven thought as she kept quiet while the White Wizard ate. His eyes were black as coal as they stared blankly at his food, his black hair was spiked up. His red clothing hid the muscles underneath. She focused her attention elsewhere rather than on the man sitting across from her and continued to read her book while drinking her tea in silence.

_Half my life is in book's written pages_

_Lived and learned from fools and from sages_

_You know it's true_

_All the things come back to you_

Raven cringed as he stood up wrapping his hand around her wrist painfully and twisting it. She felt him leaning closer as she closed her eyes waiting for what he would do. She felt his tongue force its way into her mouth. After a moment, he pulled away. She thanked whatever god was listening as bile rose in her throat.

"Tell me you love me." Mark ordered in a steely voice. Raven looked up into his black eyes. She felt disgust in herself.

"I love you." Raven replied. She gasped as a fist flew at her hitting her abdomen. She collapsed to her knees clutching her stomach.

"You're a liar. You aren't supposed to lie to me, Raven." He yelled, kneeing her in the chin. She fell backwards, trying not to scream in pain, as her jaw ached. Raven curled up refusing to cry as he continued to beat her.

_Sing with me, sing for the year_

_Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears_

_Sing with me, if it's just for today_

_Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away_

The sound of the fading laughter from the past comforted her, as the tears finally began to course down her pale cheeks. His cruel voice mocked her and his hands wrapped tightly around her throat. She knew he had her pinned beneath him as she felt her lung protest at the loss of air. She begged for him to kill her this time as the tears continued to fall. She wanted it to all go away, she wanted to die.

_Yeah, sing with me, sing for the year_

_Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears_

_Sing with me, if it's just for today_

_Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away_

Raven knew her vision was blackening and prayed he continued to end her suffering. Cool air entered her lungs making her gasp as her starved lungs began breathing again. She looked up to see him standing over her.

"Why don't you just let me die?" Raven gasped, as she tried to catch her breath, causing her to start to cough. He looked down at her with a sickly sweet smile.

"You know I could never do that. You're dark energy makes me stronger. So keep dreaming though, maybe it'll come true." Mark said coldly. He grinned. "Go clean yourself up." He walked away and moved to a sit on the couch, turning on the television.

Raven stood up and went towards the bedroom to do as she was told. She glanced back. _'I will keep dreaming.'_ She thought sadly.

_Dream on, dream on, dream on_

_Dream until your dreams come true_

_Dream on, dream on, dream on_

_Dream until your dreams come true_

_Dream on, dream on, dream on, dream on_

_Dream on, dream on, dream on, dream on_

Raven stepped into the bedroom, closing the door behind her. She slumped against the door, finally letting the warm tears flow freely. After a moment, she pulled herself to her feet wiping away the tears on her sleeve. She moved to the vanity, sitting down in front of the mirror. Dull, lifeless eyes stared back at her once again as she looked in the mirror. Her own voice echoed in her head. _'Why don't you just let me die?'_

_Sing with me, sing for the year_

_Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears_

_Sing for me, if its just for today_

_Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away_

Raven applied the make-up to her face to cover the already developing bruises. Her throat hurt as she pressed the cosmetic pad to her neck. A knock came to the door.

"The city needs us." Mark said through the closed door. Raven sighed as she finished applying the make-up. She took one more look at her reflection before standing.

_Sing with me, sing for the year_

_Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears_

Raven sighed as she exited the apartment, following after the White Wizard. _'Tomorrow, maybe tomorrow I'll die. That's my dream. That would be a dream come true. Yes maybe tomorrow.'_

_Sing with me, if it's just for today_

_Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away_

**To Be Continued…**

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next chapter is in progress so tell me what you think please. Also the title is a working title so if anyone has a suggestion for a better title please tell me. Please Review.

**Next Chapter:** _Kung Fu Fighting _Beast Boy arrives at the bank to fight the criminals. He ends up fighting along side of Raven once more.


	2. Kung Fu Fighting

A/N: Thank you for reviewing SO much! They make my day. This chapter is a little lighter compared to the last one. What do you expect it's Beast Boy? The next chapter is going to be dark though as it is Raven. I'll try to move the dark stuff along as best I can but I don't know if it will. So here's the next chapter. Enjoy!

_Italics_ song lyrics

'_Italics'_ are thoughts

Warnings: abuse, violence and whatever else I will warn you about along the way.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. I do not own the song by Carl Douglas. Again I do own the White Wizard.

_Chapter Two_

_Kung Fu Fighting_

He jumped out of the car as soon as it stopped outside of the bank. The police had the place surrounded and Robin was already half way to the door. Grinning at the blond beside him, he swiftly changed into a tiger charging towards the door, following after Robin.

_Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting, those cats were fast as lightning_

_In fact it was a little bit frightening, but they fought with expert timing_

Beast Boy stopped in the doorway to see Cyborg fighting a rather pissed off looking brunette. The White Wizard moved around a large fist that was flying at him. Robin and Starfire were now battling their own criminal and Terra ran off to help someone in trouble. He was confused for a moment as to where the last and final member of their little unit was.

_There were funky China men from funky Chinatown_

_They were trapping them up, they were trapping them down_

_It's an ancient Chinese art and everybody knew their part_

_For a fainting, to a slip, and a kickin' from the hip_

Raven was backing up from a girl who was blasting blue sparks at her. She struggled as she barely blocked them with her powers. Her face was hidden in the shadows of her hood but he could tell she was in pain so he quickly rushed over knocking the girl away from Raven. He changed back, looking at her in concern.

"Are you okay, Raven?" He asked in concern. Raven looked at him before pushing him down out of the way as more blue sparks flew at him. Her dark energy engulfed them immediately in a shield-like bubble. She growled at the girl, staring at her through her darkness. Beast Boy looked at her in confusion, as Raven had saved his life when she was barely standing on her own two feet. It seemed every time they were fighting Raven could barely defend herself and if anyone was hurt she would look over their injuries but never healed them. He sighed, it was like she was too weak to use her powers and he had no idea why.

"I'm fine." She said in a dead, lifeless voice. He looked at her in concern once more before changing into a tiger again. He jumped through the darkness taking the girl down to the ground. She blasted him off. Raven caught him in a black net turning to the girl with white glowing eyes. She unleashed dark energy at her in blasts. The girl fired back at her just as rapidly.

_Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting, those kids were fast as lightning_

_In fact it was a little bit frightening, but they fought with expert timing_

Beast Boy watched in shock as Raven fought more fiercely then he had seen her fight in months. He quickly changed into a ram and charged at the girl knocking her into a wall. He turned to Raven who wrapped the girl up in dark energy. Beast Boy changed back into his human form giving her the thumbs up with a huge grin on his face.

_There was funky Billy Jim and little Sammy Chong_

_He said, here comes the big boss, let's get it on_

_We took the bow and made a stand, started swaying with the hand_

_A sudden motion made me skip, now we're into a brand new trip_

Beast Boy's eyes widened as Raven was engulfed with bright blue sparks. He turned to the girl angrily. The dark energy was gone and the girl was laughing cruelly. He growled low in his throat. _'That bitch better let her go or I'll tear her to shreds.'_ He thought as he changed into a Tyrannosaurus Rex. He roared at the girl who looked wide eyed at him. She gave a nervous smile before releasing Raven. He breathed through his nostrils. She grinned sheepishly.

"Nice T-Rex." She said nervously.

_Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh-ha_

_Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh-ha_

_Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh-ha_

_Keep on, keep on, keep on_

_Sure enough_

The girl screamed and ran through the wall as Beast Boy followed after her. Robin came running beside him as they followed the girl. Beast Boy changed into a cheetah and flew through the air to land on the girl's back. He sat on top of her proudly as Robin arrested her. Robin shook his head at him, as Beast Boy turned into a pterodactyl flying back to the rest of the group with the police officers with the girl clutched in his claws.

_Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting, those kids were fast as lightning_

_In fact it was a little bit frightening, make sure you have expert timing_

_Kung Fu Fighting, had to be fast as lightning_

Beast Boy grinned as he gave the police officers his burden. He looked around to see Raven sitting down on the sidewalk her hood still up. He grinned and walked over sitting down beside her.

**To Be Continued…**

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm starting the third chapter so it should be done soon. Anyway Please Review.

**Next Chapter: **Raven listens to Beast Boy and feels sad. Mark takes her home but her thoughts are still on Beast Boy.


	3. Solitude

A/N: Thank you SO SO much for reviewing. I love them as they make my day. Here is the next installment. Enjoy!

Warnings: Same as before.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. I do not own the song by Evanescence. I do own the White Wizard.

_Chapter Three_

_Solitude_

Raven shifted slightly as Beast Boy sat down beside her. She wasn't used to someone sitting beside her anymore, not even him. Not even the one she now realized she would do anything for. She was a fool to think Mark had ever loved her and she had ever loved him. She looked at the smile on Beast Boy's face.

She looked him over once more. He had changed at 16 for reasons none of them knew. His skin was no longer green and almost sported a dusting of a tan on his flesh coloured skin. His green hair was gone as well, blond locks fell into his most attractive feature his emerald green eyes. They were the only remaining colour that showed he had once been green himself. His animal forms were still green though which didn't surprise her. He had grown as well towering over her by a few inches and had even managed to develop muscles over the years. She shook her head at the irony that he still had pointed ears, fangs and moved more like an animal now than he had when he was green. He was attractive, charming, graceful yet wild, and she knew most girls would throw themselves at him given that Terra didn't blow them to pieces with her eyes. Terra could be very jealous but she was okay in Raven's point of view.

"We make a good team still don't we?" He said with a grin, as his eyes traveled through the crowd, tearing Raven away from her thoughts of him. She nodded slowly.

"It seems so." She replied, her voice still completely devoid of emotion. She watched as he waved to Terra who was making sure all the criminals were not going to go anywhere under her watch. She waved back, giving a smile and blowing him a kiss.

"God I love her." He said softly. A stabbing pain hit Raven's heart but she ignored it. He turned to her and she faked a smile for him though she knew he would see it didn't reach her eyes like it used to.

"I know you do." Raven replied, though she wanted to scream at him for telling her once again that he loved Terra and she just didn't know why she wanted to. She looked away from his emerald green eyes and turned to Mark who stared at her in a way she knew that meant she was going to be beaten when they got home. She wanted to stand beside Beast Boy and not Mark; she just wanted to scream and tell the world what he did to her but she was too ashamed to say anything.

She touched Beast Boy's shoulder and nodded at him. She lived through him, he was her emotions in plain view and he carried her life for her. She lived and fought to live only because of him but he didn't even notice her more than a friend. She shook her head to clear away the thoughts.

_How many times have you told me you love her__  
As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth  
How long have I stood here beside you  
I live through you  
You looked through me_

Raven looked down at the black cement. He could never want her now anyway, she was cursed, and she was tainted. She looked down at her arms knowing the bruises that were hidden under her clothing. She could never ask for his help even though she knew he would if she asked him of it.

"Hey Rae, why weren't you fighting so hard when I first showed up to the battle until the girl threw that spark at me? You acted like you were really tired." Beast Boy said, looking at her once more with concern. She sighed, as her mind tried furiously to think of an excuse and not tell the truth that she had been beaten rather forcefully just before she had to come here.

"I didn't get much sleep last night." She lied, hoping he would believe her. Yet part of her wanted him to see through her lie and that he would hold her, while telling her everything would be alright.

_Ooh, Solitude,  
Still with me is only you  
Ooh, Solitude,  
I can't stay away from you_

"That was my fault. Sorry BB." Mark said giving a crooked smile to Beast Boy. Green eyes looked him over as if trying to see if the other man was telling the truth. Raven almost wanted him to see through it. Emerald eyes shifted to her as he ignored Mark completely.

"Are you sure you're okay though?" Beast Boy asked. Raven went to open her mouth to speak but Mark put a hand on her shoulder stopping her. She felt sick to her stomach at that hand on her.

"I'll take her home let her get some more much needed rest." Mark replied for her. Beast Boy glanced up before staring into the dull, lifeless amethyst eyes of Raven. Though her eyes looked at him like that, she was screaming inside for him to not let her go back with Mark.

_How many times have I done this to myself_

_How long will it take before I see_

_When will this hole in my heart be mended_

_Who now is left alone but me_

Beast Boy stood slowly his body moving much like a cats'. He smiled down at her as Terra came over to stand with the small group.

"I know you're tired but maybe you can join us for pizza. You haven't done that in a while." He said cheerfully, offering his hand to her. Raven took his hand, feeling the warmth start to return to her body as helped her to her feet. Before Beast Boy let go of Raven's hand, he gave an elegant sweeping bow and kissed her hand softly.

_Ooh, Solitude_

_Forever me and forever you_

_Ooh, Solitude_

_Only you, only true_

Raven saw jealousy shine in Terra's eyes as Beast Boy let go of her hand. The warmth that had almost reached her heart subsided, returning to cold once more. She felt Mark glare at Beast Boy and knew when she returned to the apartment he would take out his anger on her.

"Please honey?" Beast Boy asked her. She sighed, only he ever called her that and it was one of his nicknames for her. She offered him a smile.

"Mark wants me to rest so I better get some." Raven replied softly. Her eyes begged him to save her. Terra smiled almost evilly.

"It's really too bad that you can't come with us. Maybe next time you can join us." Terra said, her voice dripping with false sweetness. She took Beast Boy's hand leading him away. He waved to her, his eyes confused. Raven sighed, softly standing beside Mark.

_Everyone leaves me stranded_

_Forgotten, abandoned, left behind_

_I can't stay here another night_

Mark stood beside her, glaring after the blond boy. Terra glanced back, sharing a knowing smirk with Mark. Raven looked down, they had left her alone with her worst nightmare. She didn't know how much longer she could handle this. She just wanted to die but he wouldn't kill her, he needed her dark energy. She watched Beast Boy go, standing laughing and fooling around with Cyborg and the others. She felt a stabbing pain in her chest.

"Let's go." Mark said, grabbing hold of her arm and steering her away from the scene. Raven turned her head to look at them sadly.

_Your secret admirer, who could it be_

_Ooh, can't you see all along it was me_

Raven entered the apartment first, she baulked as the door closed behind him. Mark grunted, throwing a punch in-between her shoulder blades. She gasped as pain shot through her. He turned her around growling.

"What did you say to him? What did you tell him?" Mark snarled, his face twisting into an evil dark look. He landed a punch to her eye causing her to cry out in pain.

"I didn't say anything to him, I swear." Raven said, as she held onto her eye. He growled, as he leapt at her. She crashed to the floor, her head banging against the floor. Her vision blurred for a moment, only for it to clear to see a punch aimed at her head again. '_Why do you do this to me? Can't you see me?' _She thought miserably, as he seemingly beat her without looking at her.

_How can you be so blind_

_As to see right through me_

Raven just let him take out his anger on her until her body couldn't take the pain anymore and her vision darkened slowly. She felt tears fight to fall but she refused to let them this time. He glared at her as he aimed another punch to her face. She blacked out finally from the pain. Just before she did she saw a flash of green eyes shining at her hopefully, before it was all drowned in darkness.

_And ooh, Solitude,_

_Still with me is only you_

_Ooh, Solitude,_

_I can't stay away from you_

Raven woke on the floor where he had left her. The clock on the TV told her it was midnight. The door closed softly, as his footsteps went down the hall towards the elevator. She knew he was going out to a strip club. He knew if he had her, he would never be able to have her powers again for his own use. Only true love could make her powers work after something like that. She shook her head, crawling to the bathroom.

'_Why doesn't he just kill me?'_ She thought miserably as she opened the door to the bathroom. The cool tiles felt nice on the bruises that were killing her. She sighed, closing the door and leaning against it heavily. She curled up crying softly. She knew she had a lot of time until Mark came home again. She grabbed the cellphone in her pocket. '_Maybe I should call someone just to talk.'_ She thought, thinking of the emerald green eyes she had pictured before falling into darkness. She battled with herself for a moment she couldn't tell him anything, Mark would kill her for sure then but maybe just talking to him would be enough..

_Ooh, Solitude,_

_Forever me and forever you_

_Ooh, Solitude_

_Only you, only true_

Raven battled with herself for several more minutes. She sighed, dialing the phone number slowly. It rang once, twice…

**To Be Continued…**

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm working on Chapter Four already so I kind of know what is going to happen next. Please let me know what you think. Please Review.

Can you let me know what you think of the songs being with the story?

Is there any songs you think I could use for the story let me know?

Do you think I should have a point of view that is different from Raven or BB or first person type thing?

**Next Chapter: **_Lips of an angel_. Beast Boy gets a phone call from Raven who is crying. He thinks about the past while talking to her.


	4. Lips of an Angel

A/N: Thank you for reviewing. Thank you to Zarola, ahilty, XX.xXx.AchillezWiplash.xXx.XX, mire013, Agent of the Divine One and Blood Everlasting for reviewing. This is a rare occasion because I don't usually say about who reviewed so bask in it because this chapter is dedicated to all of you! Here is the next chapter. I hope you enjoy!

_Italics _lyrics

'_Italics'_ thoughts

Warnings: The same as the last few chapters.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. I do not own Lips of an angel by Hinder. I own the White Wizard.

_Chapter Four_

_Lips of an Angel_

Beast Boy woke a few minutes to midnight. The room he slept in was dark but he could see everything, as if light was coming in through the window. He knew Terra was fast asleep beside him but his thoughts weren't on her at all. He was wondering about why every time he had seen Raven in the last few months, she was always tired and she couldn't seemingly defend herself in battle. Now that he thought about it, maybe it had been longer than a few months but she looked like she had died and there was no way to bring her back. She didn't talk to anyone; she came to fight then slipped back into the shadows behind Mark.

He felt a howl come from within. He really disliked Mark as he seemed to control Raven's life. He would get mad if Raven used to hang out with him or Starfire. He shook his head, now Raven didn't even hang with any of them because of that asshole. He sighed, he guess Mark was just possessive of Raven like Terra was of him.

Something in the air tonight felt off though, the animals outside the window were eerily quiet. He listened, straining to hear something. The phone suddenly rang scaring him. Terra mumbled a curse.

"I'll get it, T. You go back to sleep." He said softly. He padded out of the room, closing the door behind him. He went into the study closing the door and picking up the phone. "Hello?"

"Gar?" The voice whispered. His heart stopped, it was Raven on the other end of the line. Something must be wrong for her to be calling him especially so late.

"Honey, why are you calling me so late? It's kind of hard to talk right now." He said softly, thinking about Terra in the next room. Raven sniffed softly.

"I just wanted to talk to someone, that's all." Raven replied, her voice barely audible. He wanted to rush to her side but knew he couldn't as Terra would wonder why he did so.

"Honey why are you crying? Is something wrong?" Beast Boy asked, whispering so he wouldn't disturb Terra. Raven let out a sob at his question and knew immediately she wasn't going to answer.

_Honey, why are you calling me so late?_

_It's kind of hard to talk right now_

_Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?_

_I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud_

Beast Boy knew Terra was in the next room, she had been his girlfriend since a few days after he had turned 16. Now it was a few weeks to his nineteenth birthday and he would have been with Terra for three years. He shook his head, he knew sometimes he wished Terra wasn't the one who shared his bed but he couldn't tell Raven that. Even Terra didn't know that sometimes he wanted someone else but that someone else didn't really want him when he had brought up the offer. He gave a soft smile as he remembered that night of his 16th birthday. That was something he wasn't about to forget anytime soon. That was the reason he sometimes wanted someone else in his bed beside him. It made him think that maybe he never moved on. He shook his head; he loved Terra and that was that, end of story.

"Hey, honey, you remember the night of my 16th birthday?" He whispered softly, trying to get her to smile. She sobbed again but he knew she was nodding.

"Yes, Gar." She whispered through tears. He smiled, hearing her say his name, it sounded so sweet to his ears. It made him want to turn back time, just to see what would have happened if things had turned out different but he couldn't so why should he even think about it.

"Maybe we didn't move on." He said softly, his mouth betraying his conflicted thoughts. She sniffed quietly as he heard her clutch the phone closer.

_Well, my girl's in the next room_

_Sometimes I wish she was you_

_I guess we never really moved on_

_It's really good to hear your voice say my name_

_It sounds so sweet_

_Coming from the lips of an angel_

_Hearing those words it makes me weak_

"Tell me, tell me what happened that night. Let me hear it Gar, let me hear what happened." Raven's voice whispered. Beast Boy smiled at her. Of course he would tell her anything she wanted to hear, just to make her stop crying to smile again.

"Well Rae, it happened sometime around midnight of my 16th birthday; it was almost here. We had decided to party from midnight until sometime the next day if we could manage it. Everyone was ready to party it up but you slipped away to your room. I was upset so I went after you. I knocked on your door and without permission I slipped in. I was sure you were going to kill me before I turned 16 right then and there." He spoke softly. He smiled, when she chuckled softly through the thick tears he could hear in her throat.

"I would normally have." She whispered. He grinned, thinking about her long purple locks and quickly shook his head away from those thoughts. He loved Terra and she loved him.

"Well, I walk in and there you are sitting on your bed, the window was open letting a breeze in and moonlight was filtering in bathing you in that pale light. God I thought I had gone and died right than and there. You looked just like a fallen angel. I believed I was dreaming or hallucinating, I wasn't quite sure which. I moved to stand in front of you. You looked up at me with those shining eyes of yours and I couldn't resist." Beast Boy said, just thinking about that night made him never want to forget it. He just didn't know what had gone wrong to make them want to forget it.

_And I never wanna say goodbye_

_But girl you make it hard to be faithful_

_With the lips of an angel_

Raven sniffed softly but Beast Boy could tell she was still crying. He sat down by the open window letting moonlight bathe his own body. He gave an internal sigh, just being on the phone with her made him want to be near her. He glared at his reflection in the window at his traitorous thoughts.

"Then I kissed you. After that day we acted like it never happened and I started dating Terra and you eventually met Mark. So here we are." Beast Boy said, just letting himself pretend like that kiss didn't mean that much to him. "You know it's funny you're calling me tonight." He said, trying to change the topic. '_God I dreamt of you tonight, why? I really don't know why but I did and I really wanted to hear your voice.'_ He thought. He mentally hit his head, trying to stop thinking about all of this.

"Yeah." She whispered as he heard her cut back a sob. He wanted to be there to hold her while she cried but he didn't even know why she was.

"Does he know you are talking to me? Will it start a fight?" Beast Boy asked, knowing that Mark would get angry at her for calling him up if they had a fight or something which would make things worse. He heard her breath catch in her throat, before she let the air out slowly.

"No, he doesn't know I'm talking to you and yeah probably. Does Terra know I'm talking to you?" Raven asked, he heard her shift the phone to the other ear. He smiled, knowing she was concerned.

"I don't think she has a clue. She went back to sleep after the phone rang." Beast Boy said softly. Raven started crying again, her teeth chattered through the phone line and at that instant he just really wanted to make it all go away, whatever it was. He knew he couldn't, he wasn't dating her after all and never would. He was going to propose to Terra in a few weeks on their third anniversary to make it official between them.

_It's funny that you're calling me tonight  
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too  
And does he know you're talking to me  
Will it start a fight  
No I don't think she has a clue_

Beast Boy cursed himself for ever leaving anything and everything unsaid between them. Part of him just wanted to be with her right there; she was upset and sad right now and he would do anything to change that. Plus lately she looked like all the life and fire and spark in her soul was gone, he wanted her to laugh once again at his jokes. He wanted that beautiful smile that played on her lips to reach her brilliant amethyst eyes. He shook his head. _'What are you thinking? Your girl is in the next room and you're going to be marrying her. Rae's got her own man. You're her friend.'_ He thought, starting to beat himself up mentally again.

"Gar, are you still there? Please don't leave me." Raven's voice whispered. Beast Boy smiled sadly.

"I'm still here, honey and I'm here until you want to hang up." He replied softly, knowing that it was true. He realized then and there he would do anything for her even putting her before Terra which he hated to think about.

_Well my girl's in the next room  
Sometimes I wish she was you  
I guess we never really moved on  
It's really good to hear your voice say my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words it makes me weak_

"Thanks Gar. I really just need someone to talk to me." Her voice trembled, as her teeth continued to chatter. Her breathing was getting faster as he realized she sounded like she was going to hyperventilate. He ran shaking fingers through his blond hair. He still didn't know how on earth he had reverted back into this form but he didn't care, it just happened and that's all that mattered. He pushed that away from his mind, trying to think of the best way to help Raven while not thinking about Raven because that would be bad.

"You know it's really good to actually hear your voice say my name. No one really calls me by my name anymore." Beast Boy said. He could almost picture those lips smiling at what he had just said. She gave a sob that sounded like an 'I know'.

_And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel_

Beast Boy smiled. If things had been different, he would have been faithful to her but he hadn't been he reminded himself. He never stuck around to find out what would have happened if he had given her time to think about the kiss. He had, had a crush on her that night he had kissed her. He could have sworn he had kissed an angel but then Terra came back and she had started flirting with him. Then one thing led to another and they had started dating a few days later. Now it was too late but if he had been with her, he would have been faithful. He would have stood beside the fallen angel, the dark sorceress, until his dying day. Yet here they were, supposedly in love with other people and sitting there talking to each other. He was thinking about her and not the girl in the next room, the one who held his heart supposedly and soon would take his name. Things just didn't turn out the way he thought they would. _'God, why am I so confused? I wasn't confused a few days ago. I thought I had moved on.'_ He thought.

_It's really good to hear your voice say my name  
It sounds so sweet  
Coming from the lips of an angel  
Hearing those words it makes me weak  
_

Raven was still crying and he just didn't know what to do. He looked out to the city below and just continued to think about her because he knew he couldn't fight it any longer.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Beast Boy asked. Her breath hitched and he knew he had asked the wrong thing. "It's okay. We can just sit here and talk about the good old days. When the five of us where living together, fighting crime, and arguing over the television remote." Raven's breath slowed as she calmed down.

"The good old days? We had those? It seems so long ago." Her voice sounded so far away that she sounded almost invisible. He wanted to pull her back from the brink of whatever she was on. Beast Boy wanted her safe and sound. He wanted her to be happy and not crying again.

"Yes it was a while ago but we had them. We all might not have gotten along too well but we had some very good times together. Makes you wonder what would have happened if things had been a little different." Beast boy said, hinting at what would have happened if that kiss had turned into something more. If he had been faithful to her even when Terra came back.

_And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel_

Beast Boy listened to her breathe for a moment wondering what she was thinking. She sighed softly and he could hear her wipe the tears away as she gave a final sniff.

"I'm sorry for waking you. I should really let you go. Mark will be home soon." She whispered. He sighed, he really didn't want to let her go.

"Do you have to go? I really like talking to you." He replied. He smiled, hearing her give a contented sigh. He closed his eyes, waiting for her to respond.

"Yeah I have to go but I'll see you tomorrow." Raven said. He nodded, even though he knew she couldn't see it.

"Okay, honey. I don't want to say goodbye how about a see you later?" He asked.

"Sure. I'll see you later, I promise." Raven said, as he could hear the small smile in her voice.

"See you later, honey. Good night." Beast Boy replied just as softly.

"Good night." Raven said. He heard her close the phone and the dial tone intoned in his ear.

_And I never wanna say goodbye  
But girl you make it hard to be faithful  
With the lips of an angel_

Beast Boy sighed as he put the receiver down. He looked out the window with a sigh. He remembered that night so long ago. Raven's lips had been so soft and it was like kissing an angel and that he was sinning against some god by kissing those lips. Maybe he could have been so faithful to her but he hadn't been when Terra came along. He smacked himself upside the head. _'Why am I thinking of her? Why did I even kiss her? God I'm going crazy, thinking I might still have feelings for her. I'm in love with Terra and I'm going to ask her to marry me.'_ He thought to himself, taking a look at the city below._ 'Why did she even call tonight?'_ He thought as he padded back to the bedroom to Terra.

_Honey, why you calling me tonight?_

**To Be Continued…**

I hope you enjoyed. Next chapter is coming soon. Please tell me what you think you know I love them. Please Review.

**Next Chapter:** You'd Be Proud. Raven's POV.


	5. You'd Be Proud

A/N: Thank you so much for reviewing. You all have some very good ideas for songs. Also because of the way I'm thinking of ending this story, there will be a sequel so that will mean more songs. Hopefully I can find enough and use all of your suggestions if they work with the story. Anyway enough babbling from me, enjoy! Thank you to Blood Everlasting for the suggestion of the song for this chapter.

Also thanks to ravenfan107, ahility (yes but if he had a clue would he really be a guy then?), Gothic Raven, Symmetrical (also a good song idea that I hadn't thought about, thanks), nos482(never heard the song but I'll definitely give it a try or it might work for the sequel now that I think about it but it will definitely get used), dark-raven343gs, Zarola (photograph by Nickelback, I might be able to use that thanks), Lunar Kasumi, i.am.emerson.tuesday (well I'm glad you liked it and don't worry about the version but it's good to know you are listening to the songs), Agent of the Divine One (By the way you may be on to something and I'll look into the song for a later chapter as I have a feeling it will fit later), Blood Everlasting (This is chapter was written from you're song idea so I hope you enjoy it), mire013, and BeastBoy4pres052 (oh I definitely don't mind the gushing so keep it on).

Warnings: same as the last few chapters…

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. I do not own the song used in this chapter by Mike Schmid which was suggested by Blood Everlasting so I didn't choose the song either. I own the White Wizard and I guess that's all.

_Chapter Five_

_You'd Be Proud_

Raven sighed as she climbed off the floor of the bathroom. She quickly cleaned herself up and opened the bathroom door to find Mark standing behind it. She gave a weak smile and moved past him. He grabbed her arm roughly.

"Where did you put the book I was reading?" He grumbled roughly. She paused, looking down to the floor.

"The book is beside the bed, Mark. It's where you left it earlier." She replied softly. He nodded, before entering the bathroom. Raven padded down the hall and climbed into bed, facing towards the door. He walked in a few minutes later, climbed under the covers and faced towards the balcony. She laid there for a while just staring at the door.

_If I would fetch your slippers_

_And be you're pet;_

_Only do what you allow_

_You'd be proud_

Morning came before she knew it and she rose as the sun shone in through the crack in the drapes. She quickly did her daily routine and even grabbed the Friday paper from the door placing it in front of his plate. She sat across from his place, waiting for him to arrive. The tears from the night before were long gone, as she watched him move into the room. Mark sat down, taking a bite of the toast. He swallowed before throwing the toast at her.

"This is cold, make me new toast." He bellowed. She stood and quickly did as he bid. She scuttled around the kitchen moving swiftly.

_If I would hide away the tears I let_

_And do my best to shut my mouth,_

_You'd be proud_

Raven placed the toast on his plate, moving to sit down but he grabbed her wrist. She looked down, knowing how much he hated when she had eye contact with him. He bit into the toast, chewed and swallowed before he let her sit down. She sat quickly, refusing to be close to him any longer than she had to. The thought of leaving crossed her mind but she had no where else to go, knowing he would kill them all if she left.

_And how wonderful it would be_

_How wonderful it would be_

Raven watched out of the corner of her eye as the man in front of her swallowed his breakfast down faster than anyone she had ever met. When he finished, he leaned back in his chair, causing it to be on two legs.

"So Raven, tell me what are you thinking about?" He questioned. She hated when he asked this, as one wrong word could cause him to beat her. She gave a smile.

"Nothing really just you." She said in a deadpan voice. He looked her up and down for a moment. His chair hit the floor hard and she gulped knowing what that meant.

_If I would take your punches,_

_Standing strong_

_And fall away when I go down_

_You'd be proud_

Raven gasped as he pulled her up by her hair. Her scalp protested violently for a moment before she felt his fist slam into her face. She started to fall slowly before suddenly he grabbed the front of her shirt. She felt his breath hot against her ear.

"You belong to me, remember that." He said into her ear. Before she felt him bit into the flesh of her neck just to inflict more pain. She refused to scream out and only bit her lip to stop it. He pulled away with a grin. He had inflicted pain in many ways and the more ways he could think to use his own body as a weapon the better. She gasped as he rammed his knee between her thighs. She dropped to her knees immediately. _'I guess it's my own fault this is happening to me.'_ She thought as she leaned back falling down the rest of the way.

_Pretend I didn't feel it_

_That I was wrong_

_I'd take the blame_

_You'd take a bow_

_And you'd be proud_

She let him continue hitting her, as she moved into her own mind so she wouldn't have to feel the pain. Raven suddenly remembered the first time, he had hit her. She had been anger about something that didn't matter anymore and he had slapped her across the face. At that time she thought she was wrong and she had deserved it. It slowly escalated and she didn't want to believe it was happening and continued to blame herself until four months had past and it was too late to leave. She shook her head, as a fist flew hitting her in the eye. Tears quickly welled up before spilling down her cheeks on their own accord.

_And how wonderful it would be_

_How wonderful it would be_

The tears stung the mark in her cheek as she realized he had bitten her there only a few minutes prior. Her lip was split and bleeding; and every inch of her, she knew must have a bruise now. After a few more minutes, he stopped standing up, his hands clenched at his side. She watched as his face remained blank as he took in the damage he had done to her body. His lips twitched into a satisfying smirk before he moved away. She moved to stand and felt her whole body protest. She used the table for support as she stood on legs no stronger than Jell-o.

_I'm bloodied and barely standing_

_And you're emotionless and empty-handed_

_And this is how you want to have it_

_And you-_

_You'd be proud_

Raven pulled herself towards the bathroom to clean up. He was sitting on the couch now flipping channels. She moved past him not saying a word as he now pretended like she didn't exist. She opened the bathroom door and sat down hard on the tiles, letting the shaking in her body take over. Her neck, cheek and lip were bleeding heavily and she felt light-headed from the loss of blood.

She crawled over to the tub turning on the hot water as she placed the stopper. She watched the water running in fascination, just like she used to watch him in the beginning. She had wanted to figure him out and had wanted to know everything about him. Now she couldn't care less about him. She didn't care about the mystery underneath the surface, her looking for it would only cause him to get angry and start the beating all over again.

_If I would not ask questions_

_And let you be_

_Leave you un-figured out_

_You'd be proud_

_Cause questions would dispel the mystery_

_And we can have that_

_Or you'd get mad_

Raven slowly undressed before slipping into the hot water. It stung violently for a long time as the blood stained her water red but that didn't matter to her either. She was sick of all of the shit that had happened to her. She just wanted to be left alone and to just sit and die. To die would be the best thing of all.

She sighed, then the rest of them would know that he drove her to do it, she realized. Releasing her soul on him as she died would be heaven sent. Make him crazy before she passed from the world. Then everyone would see what he did to her and he would be locked away for life. She would finally be free and she would be gone. He would also be gone as well. Raven sighed, once more leaning her head back against the tub and closed her eyes; drifting into dreamless sleep.

_And how wonderful could it be_

_And how wonderful could it be_

_Cause you'd finally feel me_

_Feel me_

_And you're mystery wouldn't be a mystery_

_Any longer_

_And you'd be gone_

**To Be Continued…**

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and another special thanks to Blood Everlasting. I have the next chapter up but I have to find the right song to go with it because I don't think the song goes with it right now. Please Review!

Also do you guys like that I say thanks individual and make comments or does it take up too much room? Please let me know. Thanks!

**Next Chapter**: Torn. Raven takes things into her own hands.


	6. Torn

A/N: Thank you for reviewing so much. They really do make my day. You guys have the greatest ideas but this chapter was already written when I posted the last one and it would have been so hard to change the chapter to fit with another song. I have started a file with all the suggestions you guys are giving but I'm not sure if I'm going to get to use them but I'm really going to try.

So thanks to

ravenfan107: I might be able to use that song later and thank you for reviewing

Zarola: Oh I so love that idea but it won't work for this story the sequel it will TOTALLY work for

BeastBoy4pres052: you have some interesting ideas that I may be able to use so thank you SO much and perhaps keep more coming . Don't worry you don't bother me at all, I hope you enjoy this chapter none-the-less though.

blacktearsivecried: I like staind so I will see what I can do

mire03: thanks and I hope you enjoy this chapter too

Lunar Kasumi: It's okay that it's short I just hope you enjoy this chapter

Blood Everlasting: I love your reviews you really understand everything that's going on under the surface and for that I truly appreciate it. Any song ideas you have throw them at me if I can't use them for this story then the sequel will definitely be able to find some use for it hopefully. Also please don't bow down, we are equals after all

Agent of the Divine: You are seemingly reading my mind and I actually thought of using that Linkin Park song for this chapter when I originally wrote it. I was thinking of using it somewhere else if I could because I'm a huge Linkin Park fan

Symmetrical: I have a use for that song in a later chapter I think I don't have everything mapped out yet but I hope you like this chapter

i.am.emerson.tuesday – thanks for the idea, I hope I'll be able to use it. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Also my apologizes guys, it might be a few weeks before I can update again because it's the last few weeks of school and my profs are throwing assignments and projects at me from every side and I have exams and I'm going away with one of my classes at the end of April so I'm working to save money. So sorry if I don't get to update until school is done.

Warnings: abuse, violence, and possible suicide along with many other things.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans. I do not own the song by Natalie Imbruglia. I own the White Wizard, that's it and I guess the plot and the story idea but nothing else. Okay let's say this, just don't sue me, I'm a college student.

_Chapter Six_

_Torn_

**One Week Later**

Raven sat uncomfortably in a chair with a book in her lap. He had broken a rib on her left side two hours ago. Her power to heal herself was useless, when her body was so damaged and acquired more damage at least once a day, everyday. On top of that, he stole her energy to keep her weak but able to fight for the Titans while he became stronger.

She had been curious as to why Mark needed her energy and powers; she quickly found his strength and his life depended on it. She knew he worked with light energy but combined with her dark energy, it made his own powers stronger and he didn't need to steal energy as much, when she alone could sustain his life. His powers needed a supply because they didn't feed on his emotions and thus he stole energy. His own light energy, if it didn't have a steady energy supply, it would become unstable and simply overwhelm him and thus would quickly kill him.

She shook her head pushing away thoughts of him as she saw him grab his coat and head for the door. That would give her at least a few hours to relax without worrying.

The urge to leave had disappeared a long time ago. If she left, he would kill all the people she cared about while she watched. That's why she stayed because she didn't want anything to happen to her friends. So she had locked away her emotions as many as possible and she became numb to everything around her. She sighed, looking away from her book towards the balcony where the sun was almost set in the sky and dark clouds were starting to form. She stood, padding over to it, pushing open the door and walking to the edge of the balcony. She watched him as he moved down the street brushing everyone he passed, stealing a touch of their energy. She hated what she had become because of him. She hated herself for everything that had happened over the last year and a bit.

_I thought I saw a man brought to life_

_He was warm, he came around like he was dignified_

_He showed me what it was to cry_

Raven ran fingers through her purple hair; she had grown it a little longer so that it hung below her shoulders to hide the bruises and bite marks. She watched as he continued down the street and tried to think of why she ever thought she loved him. Watching him move, she knew he had once been attractive in her mind's eye and he liked to have deep conversations in the beginning. _'Oh right, he made me think I could love someone else. He made me feel alive after having the door to my heart being closed. Of course you closed it so you wouldn't get hurt after what happened.'_ She thought. After being together for almost two and a half years, she knew he had no heart. A year and a bit ago, the abuse started. She was sick of it.

_Well you couldn't be that man that I adored_

_You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what you're heart is for_

_But I don't know him anymore_

_There's nothing where he used to lie_

_The conversation has run dry_

She sighed, walking back inside. Her hands shook with a suppressed emotion. She knew what it was telling her but she wasn't sure if she could. She wasn't sure if she was ready to do something that extreme. Raven shook her head and headed for the bathroom. She closed the door softly behind her out of habit. She turned the water on, put the stopper in the tub. She carefully - trying not to jar any injuries - slipped out of her clothing. She placed them on the floor next to the tub.

Raven climbed in as cuts protested the hot water. As she laid in the tub soaking muscles and bruises that would heal eventually, she thought about what it would be like to just lay there and die. She would finally be free and she wouldn't have to worry anymore. She could slip away from the world and not care anymore. She would never have to endure the pain anymore.

_That's what's going on, nothing's fine _

_I'm torn_

_I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel_

_I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor_

_Illusion never changed into something real_

Raven gave a morbid smile. Death sounded like the perfect solution to her problems. He couldn't hurt her anymore and that's all that would matter. Sure her friends would miss her but she could stop feeling those hits and hearing those words. He told her all the time, she was useless, no good and no one would ever love her. She couldn't do anything power-wise about it but if she took that knife she kept on her and dug it in deep. She shook her head, making her wonder if she should.

Her cell phone was in plain view. If she did, she should at least say goodbye to _him_. He was her friend and he cared enough about her to talk to her on the phone at midnight. She should at least let him know she was sorry and it wasn't his fault. She only trusted him a little now, after the shit she had been through but she owed it to him to say goodbye. How could she trust him, he was a man and men only knew how to hurt her but to say goodbye would at least appease her heart and soul. She sighed, grabbing the phone from the pocket and slowly dialed.

_I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn_

_You're a little late, I'm already torn_

Terra growled as Beast Boy's cell phone rang faintly under something in the room. She scrambled through the living room picking up junk as she searched for the phone she could hear. She threw a pizza box over her shoulder and some dirty laundry before she spotted it. She picked it up and answering.

"Hello?" Terra said a little too harsh a tone for even her liking. For a moment, she thought the person wouldn't say anything and she would have hung up when the person finally decided to respond.

"Hey Terra, is there any chance I can talk to BB?" Raven's voice said through the phone. Terra glanced over at Beast Boy who was sitting in the chair across the room surrounded by junk food as he concentrated on the video game he was playing.

"Well I'm not sure if he can come to the phone." Terra replied, wanting to just get back to her time with her boyfriend. Beast Boy's sensitive ears perked up at the mention of him and he dashed over junk grabbing the phone from her.

_So I guess the fortune teller's right_

_Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light_

Raven heard the sound of him moving on the other side of the phone. He seemingly took the phone rather hard making her pull away from the phone when it gave a strange screech.

"Raven?" he asked as if he knew it was her. She sighed, looking down at the water the knife cutting into her fingers as she held it firmly.

"Yeah it's me, Gar." She replied softly. She watched the blood in morbid fascination as it started to cover her fingers. He sighed in relief as if she was the most important thing in his life but she knew that wasn't true, he had Terra.

"Are you okay?" he asked in concern. She gave an unladylike snort at that. _'Alright? Gar I haven't been alright for over a year but no one has noticed because they don't really care about me.'_ She thought.

"No Gar I'm not but it's none of your concern. I was just calling to say goodbye." She said, seeing the bruised skin shift showing her blue veins moving underneath. _'I know I told you I wouldn't say goodbye but I can't handle it anymore.'_ She thought, letting her bloody finger trace the blue vein in her wrist and arm as she seemed to zone out.

_To crawl beneath my veins and now_

_I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much_

_There's just so much that I can't touch_

_I'm torn_

Beast Boy stood still in shock his thoughts rushing to grab her meaning. He felt his heart beat increase and he gave a growl of determination as her meaning sunk in and deep, to the point where it felt like a knife had been stabbed into his heart.

"I told you never to tell me goodbye, Raven." He said, running towards the door. He ignored the jacket as he stuffed his feet into runners.

"I know Gar but I can't handle it anymore. I can't live like this anymore. It's not your fault and don't even dare blaming yourself but I just can't do this." She whispered over the phone. He threw open the door and dashed down the hall.

"I'm coming; I don't care what you say. We are going to talk and we will figure this out together. Just please don't do anything until I get there." He said as Terra rushed out into the hall after him.

"BB, where are you going?" She yelled after him. He turned looking at her. He shook his head. _'What the hell am I doing? I'm rushing off to a friend's aid when my girlfriend soon-to-be wife is wondering where the hell I'm going. Sorry Terra, I really don't care what you think right at this moment.'_ He thought fiercely.

"I'll be back whenever. If someone asks I've gone out." Beast Boy said as he walked into the elevator, praying for it to move faster.

_I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel_

_I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor_

_Illusion never changed into something real_

Raven shook her head as she heard him say that to his girlfriend. He was too worried about her to even care what his girlfriend was going to think of him running to his friend's side. He should know better, Terra was going to have a fit.

"Gar don't you dare come." Raven said forcefully. _'I won't be able to do it, if you're coming here. I just want to let go, Gar, why can't you just accept that?' _She thought. He growled at her through the phone and she knew he was restraining himself from turning into the beast. It had always made her wonder why he turned into the beast to protect her but that wasn't important anymore. She just wanted to let go, couldn't he accept that as her friend.

"I'm coming; I'm not going to let you take your own life just because of things that aren't going right for you." Beast Boy argued. She sighed, if she was going to die she should tell him about it anyway, maybe.

"I can't deal with what he does to me anymore. I can't live with hiding what is going on. I just want it to end, I wish you could understand. Gar, he has abused me for over a year and I can't handle it anymore. I just want to die in peace so he won't hurt any of you." She said. She heard his breath catch in his throat but she shook it away as she placed the knife against her wrist. The thought of losing her honour didn't matter anymore and the thought of perhaps leaving him and finding someone else didn't matter either. _'Gar is on his way though and he knows now, maybe. No! He will hunt me down and kill me I must do this.' _She thought. So suddenly she looked down at her pale bruised wrist and pulled the knife across, cutting in deeply. The pain didn't even bother her, which surprised her. She sighed, as she placed it in the water letting blood stream out making her water turn red.

"Please tell me you didn't just do what I think you did?" his voice said as she heard him move out into the street. He sounded so concerned and sad that she stopped, thinking to reconsider doing the other wrist as well. She shook that thought away, knowing it was too late anyway. She didn't answer him, as she didn't see the point. If there was no point to her life anymore, why should she care about saying anything about leaving the world?

_I'm wide awake, and I can see the perfect the sky is torn_

_You're a little late, I'm already torn_

_Torn_

Raven sighed as she placed the cell phone between her ear and her shoulder making sure it wouldn't slip. If she was going out of this world, she was going to make sure he was the last thing she remembered. She did the same to her other wrist with more difficulty from the blood on her fingers but at the moment it didn't matter as she could feel her already weakened body pull towards darkness.

"I'm sorry, Gar. It's too late. I have no reason to carry on anyway. It's not your fault and just remember to tell everyone I'm sorry okay?" she said. He growled as she heard him continue to walk down the street. She knew he was trying to shoulder past people in the thick crowd.

Raven thought of his green eyes and sighed. She shook her head. _'Why do I want to think of him while I let the darkness come slowly? Is there a reason why he makes me want to sit up and fight through of all of this? Oh yes the flame inside him that comforts me even in my darkest hours. It's too late though to want to stay in this world.'_ She thought, closing her eyes, her weakened senses reaching for the fire inside Beast Boy, comforting her.

_There's nothing where he used to lie  
My inspiration has run dry  
That's what's going on, nothing's right, _

_I'm torn_

Beast Boy grunted as he moved through the crowd. It seemed like they were determined to keep him from getting very far. He heard Terra call after him again but he ignored her as he continued to push through.

"Honey, are you still there? Please speak to me." Beast Boy said. Raven chuckled softly but morbidly at him.

"Yes I'm still here for the moment." Raven replied. Beast Boy glared, trying to think of the best way to get there.

"You listen to me and you listen good, okay? The Teen Titans are nothing without you. I- We care a lot about you. What he's done to you is horrible, so I'll take you to the Tower and he won't get you. We will stop him, okay? Then you'll be safe I promise." He said. Raven shook her head slowly.

"I'm tired Gar. I'm truly very tired. I just don't have the energy to go on even if I wanted to." Raven said. He sighed, running fingers through his blond hair as his mind worked over time.

"Honey please for me?" Beast Boy pleaded. She sighed, as if thinking about it.

_I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel_

_I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor_

_Illusion never changed into something real_

_I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn_

Raven looked up at the ceiling. The water she laid in was red and cold. He was asking her the impossible; to leave Mark, learn to live again and to feel, to perhaps to actually love again. _'I can't do it. I can't do it because he'll kill them all, just to get to me and then I truly will be in hell. I can't live in fear of that.' _She thought. The little voiced nagged at the back her head, _'What about finding the one? What about finding him? What about your friends? Maybe I can do this.'_

Raven sighed and pulled her body to a sitting position. She stood, climbing out of the tub. She would do anything for him if he asked her to, even if it was the impossible.

"Okay, Gar for you. Can you please hurry though? I don't know when he'll be back." She whispered, as she wrapped a towel around her arms and placed her cape around her shoulders. She slumped to the cold tile floor, her blood had flowed freely for so long that her head was fuzzy. "I don't know how long I can stay awake."

"Thank you. I'll be right there. Don't worry." Beast Boy said softly as he continued to push through the crowd.

_I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel_

_I'm cold and I'm ashamed, bound and broken on the floor_

Raven sighed, she felt so cold and her vision was growing dark. She pulled her cloak closer and she held the phone tighter against her ear.

"Gar, I'm cold." She whispered as she shivered. Her frail body shook violently from the lack of blood and the cold water still on her skin.

"I'm on my way, just hold on honey I'm coming." Beast Boy said, roaring at the people he was pushing past. Raven nodded as she felt numb. Something off in the distance seemed to register in her mind but she couldn't seem to think of what it was with the fuzziness and cold taking over her senses. She looked up numbly as the door to the bathroom was ripped off its hinges.

_You're a little late, I'm already torn_

_Torn_

**To Be Continued…**

I hope you enjoyed this chapter though it was a little up in the air with Raven trying to kill herself. I'm about to start the next chapter but I don't know what it will be done. Please Review and let me know what you think.

**Next Chapter**: Falling Inside The Black. Can Beast Boy get to Raven in time to save her?


	7. Falling Inside the Black

A/N: Thank you for reviewing. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Dedicated to BeastBoy4pres052 because this song you suggested worked very well for this chapter, I couldn't have found a better one.

Thanks to:

Gothic Raven – sorry about it being depressing

Gero – I'll look into that song but no one if I remember correctly has suggested and enjoy this chapter

BeastBoy4pres052 – um...thanks blushes and I hope you like your suggestion because it worked wonders for this chapter also I think I'm in love with this song now.

Symmetrical – its okay I love you're suggestions and hopefully I'll be able to use them and I hope this doesn't make you cry after what I did last chapter.

i.am.emerson.tuesday – um...sorry about the cliff hangers but I love using them. I wrote fast I think so I hope you enjoy this chapter and please don't kill the authoress.

ahility – yeah but then you wouldn't have all the tension of him pushing his way through the crowd plus he couldn't stay on the phone with her if he did that.

cagalli-fox – thanks for reviewing I hope you enjoy this chapter

lil-angel-raging – I guess you'll have to wait and see what happens to poor Raven but I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Agent of the Divine – you would probably be correct and I'm trying to think of the best way to make things look up but there still has to be a lot more pain before it looks up.

nos482 – yeah someone else said that but what about suspense and talking on the phone would have been harder if he was a bird

Warnings: Abuse, violence, attempted suicide and attempted rape with other things along the way being warned about.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans, which yes is sad but okay. I do not own the song by Skillet which I have to thank BeastBoy4pres052 for suggesting once again.

_Chapter Six_

_Falling Inside the Black_

Raven gasped, seeing Mark standing in the doorway. She watched, as his eyes shifted to the bloody water then to her arms. He glared at her and he moved so fast she hadn't expected to feel the hard slap across her face. Her phone went flying against the tub. He looked at her as his face twisted evilly.

"You bitch! You dare to leave me for him! Well, I'll take what's rightfully mine and when you die, you'll know it won't be long before you're friends do to." Mark said steely. He grabbed her by the hair dragging her out of the bathroom as she struggled.

"NO!" Raven cried out.

Beast Boy's blood froze, as he heard Mark's voice through the phone but when he heard Raven cry out, he felt like his heart had stopped beating in his chest. Suddenly he crouched down. growling low in his throat. His eyes flashed a brilliant green before he changed into a hawk. The crowd around him gasped and moved out of his way as he flew over their heads heading for Raven. _'I'm coming Raven. Please god, any god, let me make it in time, please let her be alright.'_ He thought.

Raven struggled, clutching her cloak closer to her while she felt the hair from her head start to rip from her scalp. She struggled, trying to use her knees to keep from moving. He continued to make her crawl down the hall. The hallway seemed to close in around her as she started to realize where he was dragging her: the bedroom. Terror clutched at her heart as her vision began to darken again. _'Oh god, please help me. Don't let him take that away from me before I die. I will destroy the city if I haven't died yet. Please don't let this happen. Gar, please come. Please hurry before I fall into darkness.'_ She thought.

_Tonight I'm so alone_

_This sorrow takes ahold_

_Don't leave me here so cold_

_Never want to be so cold_

Beast Boy flew swiftly, his heart pounding in his chest. The darkening clouds above him, made the air cooler and suddenly the sky opened up raining down on his feathers. He growled as thunder rolled out over top of him. He cursed himself for living across the city so far away from Raven's place. He forced himself to fly faster but the rain soaking his wings made it harder. Growling he changed into a pterodactyl

Raven gripped the wood of the doorframe with one hand as the other clutched her cloak to her body. Mark was ripping violet hair from her scalp and he growled in anger as he finally gripped her body hard throwing her across the room and onto the bed. She looked at him, through her greying vision and tears as she remembered how she used to love this man in front of her.

_Your touch used to be so kind_

_Your touch used to give me life_

_I've waited all this time; I've wasted so much time_

Beast Boy growled as he dodged the lightning striking from the black sky. He let out a screech that echoed out over the city. '_I'm coming Raven. I'm almost there.'_ He thought desperately. He flapped his wings harder and harder trying to push himself beyond his limits.

Raven gave a quiet growl that sounded feral to even her own ears. Mark tried to pin her underneath him, she fought with all of her might as her blood covered his hands. He laughed evilly as she kicked out sending him crashing against the mirror. Her vision darkened and she forced it away as she crawled hurriedly towards the door.

_Don't leave me alone_

_Cause I can barely see_

_Don't leave me_

_I'm falling into the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling into the depths, can I ever go back?_

Raven rushed out into the hall. Blood covered her fingers falling onto the cream coloured carpet. She heard him curse and rush after her. She tried to fight the darkness surrounding her that wanted to pull her into the blackness and unconsciousness. She gasped, as she felt his hand grab her ankle. She grunted, kicking him in the face as her foot landed a hard blow to his nose causing him to let go.

As she scrambled to the living room, she wondered if she was crazy to think she had ever loved him and that she had let him do this to her over and over again. Now though she knew he owned her and always would until her dying day. It was too bad, she knew she couldn't go back to before he had come into her life. Her mind screamed '_Gar!'_ as Mark leapt at her.

_Dreaming of the way it used to be_

_Can you hear me?_

_Falling into the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling into the depths, can I ever go back?_

_Falling inside the black_

_Falling inside, falling inside the black_

Beast Boy howled as he dived for the window he knew was Raven's bedroom. He smashed through the window, causing a thousand little shards to litter the floor. He quickly changed back, his glowing green eyes scanning the room quickly. He noticed the broken mirror and blood on the floor. He rushed towards the hall.

"NO!" Raven screamed again as he flipped her around, ripping the cloak from her grip. She fought harder and harder as he pinned her arms above her head. A crash from the bedroom distracted Mark long enough for her to push him off. She grabbed the cloak wrapping it around her shoulders as she scrambled away from the man.

"Raven!" Beast Boy called as he ran through the hall towards the living room. He ignored the blood on the floor fearing the worse. He gasped as he felt blood soaked hands tighten around his neck and he found himself looking into the crazy eyes of a monster, he once had called an ally.

Raven gave a sigh of relief as she heard Beast Boy call her name. She had hoped now that she wouldn't destroy the world. She felt all her strength retreat as her mind swirled into darkness.

_You were my source of strength_

_I've traded everything_

_That I love for this one thing_

_Stranded in the offering_

Beast Boy gave a feral growl as he noticed Raven slumped against the wall across the living room. He gripped the fingers around his neck and pulled them off as he threw Mark across the room, his body shifting in anger as a feeling deep down that had been locked away for so long rushed to the surface. He felt the beast take over his entire body as he growled at Mark as the man stood to his feet.

Mark grunted as white engulfed his hands and his eyes turned black. He rushed at Beast Boy pushing them both out the balcony window as they continued to fight from the air. Beast Boy pushed him towards the ground as he threw claws into the side of the building stopping his downward descent. Mark aimed several blasts causing Beast Boy to fall again.

Mark grinned as he flew back up to the apartment; he landed on the cement moving towards the prone figure that was Raven.

Raven moaned as she felt her already fuzzy world came back into focus. Mark was standing overtop of her and she let out another scream.

_Don't leave me here like this_

_Can't you hear me scream from the abyss?_

_And now I wish for you my desire_

_Don't leave me alone_

_Cause I barely see at all_

_Don't leave me alone_

Raven looked towards the balcony and knew now that he had killed the one hope for her. She gasped as he pulled her up and dragged her once more towards the bedroom. Tears crept down her face as he threw her onto the bed, glass shards ripping through her cloak to pierce her frail body. Mark grinned down at her evilly, as she felt her vision darken with more blood loss; she barely knew how she was still even conscious with the amount of blood that she had lost. He pulled the cloak open and stared down hungrily at her naked body. A growl made her look towards the window and saw Beast Boy leap at Mark making him go through the wall. She felt tears slip down her cheeks once more, as she felt her consciousness slip again.

_I'm falling inside the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling to the depths, can I ever go back?_

_Dreaming of the way it used to be_

_Can you hear me?_

Beast Boy snarled as he hit the living room window where Raven had been only moment before. He stared at Mark with glowing green eyes that moved through the darkness. The lightning struck outside as thunder rumbled and over top of it all Beast Boy could hear the sirens coming towards the building. Mark threw several blasts of white energy at Beast Boy who managed to evade a few of them before several bombarded him.

Mark took the opportunity to run towards the bedroom with Beast Boy hot on his heels. He grabbed Raven, holding a glowing hand to her throat as he backed away from Beast Boy.

"I can't believe she has made you so weak." He said, laughing with a smirk planted on his face. Beast Boy growled, wanting to wipe that smirk off his face.

_Falling in the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling into the depths, can I ever go back?_

_Falling inside the black_

_Falling inside, falling inside the black_

_Black, black, black_

_Falling in the black..._

_Slipping through the cracks..._

Raven woke once more to find an arm wound tightly around her air passage. Beast Boy, in the form of the beast, stood in front of her and she could tell he was trying to figure out what to do. The chest behind her back was heaving heavily and she realized he was exerting too much energy but it didn't seem to faze him as he backed out towards the window. She felt his feet lift off the carpet and she went with him as she stared desperately at Beast Boy who had followed to the edge of the building.

"What are you going to do now, Beast Boy? If I drop her, you'll never reach her on time. If you do, I will never let her live and you'll never be able to find me. She needs my pain and she will come looking for me because she craves it like you crave air. If she doesn't come to me because she needs it, she will come because she knows I will kill every single one of you, just to get to her." Mark said, the smirk still prominent on his face. Raven knew what he said was true, if she lived she would go back because she wasn't sure what life was like without his pain and she would save her friends even if it meant her going back to him.

_Falling in the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling to the depths, can I ever go back?_

_Dreaming of the way it used to be_

_Can you hear me?_

Beast Boy stood, seething at Mark as he saw the police arrive below. He snarled as Mark's smirk broadened as he watched Raven pass out once again and this time he could barely hear her heart beat or see her chest moving. Mark grinned as he hurdled Raven towards the ground.

"RAVEN!" Beast Boy screamed as his green eyes widened as he changed back to himself, he threw himself towards the ground rushing after her body. His body plummeted towards the ground as air and rain rushed around him. Light energy raced past him, hitting Raven squarely making her fall even faster.

_Falling inside the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling in the depths, can I ever go back?_

_Falling inside the black_

_Can you hear me?_

He pulled his body closer together, making himself move faster. He reached her arm, grabbing her, pulling her against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her protectively, moving to protect her from the ground. He gasped as his back hit the pavement. He glanced up at the sky where Mark was but he was already gone. Beast Boy growled, standing up with Raven in his arms. He surveyed Raven's damages slowly as he watched her thin chest rise and fall shallowly.

_Falling inside the black_

_Can you hear me?_

_Falling inside the black_

_Can you hear me?_

Beast Boy placed her on the ground before transforming into a pterodactyl. He gripped her gently in his claws before lifting off the ground with a terrifying mournful screech as he rushed towards Titan Tower.

_Falling inside_

_Falling inside, falling inside the black_

**To Be Continued...**

I hope you enjoyed and please don't kill the evil authoress otherwise you won't get the next chapter at all and then you'll never know what happens. Anyway I hope you enjoyed. Please Review.

**Next Chapter: Someday.**


	8. Someday

A/N: Oh my god! You guys are the best reviewers ever!! I don't know what to say anymore except THANK YOU. Okay now that I've gushed and praised you all. Enjoy this chapter.

Warnings: ...um, whatever comes up?

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. I do not own the song by Nickelback. I own the plot, I guess does that count? Just don't sue me.

_Chapter Eight_

_Someday_

Beast Boy busted open the door of the Tower and rushed into the living room with Raven held in his arms bridal-style. Cyborg rushed over to Beast Boy, when he saw that Raven was injured. He ushered Beast Boy towards the medical bay as Robin and Starfire rushed after them. As Beast Boy entered the medical bay, Cyborg ordered him to place her on the bed as he ran around the room.

"Dude, you're going to have to leave until I have her stable. You probably should talk to Robin about what happened." Cyborg said absent-mindedly as he continued to rush around. Beast Boy stared at Raven, he knew he couldn't leave her. She needed him but with a slight push towards the door by Cyborg. He moved to stand just outside the door as Robin came to stand in front of him.

"What happened?" Robin asked. Beast Boy looked down at his hands covered in her blood and tried to find what he should tell them. Raven would probably kill him if he told them that Mark had been abusing her for over a year now and that she had tried to kill herself because of it. He sighed; but they needed to know so that they could send the other Titans and the police to find the bastard and put him behind bars. He clenched his fists as anger coursed through his veins.

"I only know a little, Robin." Beast Boy said steely. "First though, you get the Titans and the police on finding Mark, don't tell them anymore other then he has to go down." Robin looked shocked at Beast Boy.

"You mean, Mark did this to her?" Starfire asked, her own fists starting to glow at the thought. Beast Boy sighed, giving a silent sorry to Raven through the wall.

"The slashes on her wrist are from herself, she tried to kill herself but I talked her out of it. Only I wasn't quick enough to get there. I shouldn't be the one telling you this but I have to because she can't." Beast Boy said, before wiping the blood on his hands on his already blood soaked and torn shirt. He didn't look up when he decided to speak again. "Mark has been abusing her physical and emotionally for over a year now. She couldn't take it anymore so she decided death was easier. I was on the phone to her when he came home. I don't know what he was going to do to her but he tried to kill her before my very eyes. I saved her and brought her here. Just get the bastard, Robin and if someone else doesn't, I will and I won't put him in jail, he'll be in a hole in the ground where no one can find him." Robin nodded, rushing off to contact the others. Starfire stood there, looking at him for a moment.

"I agree with you, friend Beast Boy. He doesn't deserve to do the living after hurting friend, Raven like that." Starfire said. Beast Boy nodded solemnly as he turned towards the door. She gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder, before following after Robin to make sure things were taken care of.

Beast Boy sighed, heading next door to the medical bay's shower. He turned the water on as hot as it could go. He stripped down and jumped underneath the spray. He leaned his head against the cold tiles before collapsing to his knees with tears running down his cheeks much like the blood flowing down the drain. '_My god Raven, why didn't any of us notice it? Why didn't you leave when he first struck you? Why didn't we see what he was doing to you and get you out long before any of this could happen?' _He thought miserably. For a moment it made him wonder once again what would have happened if Terra and Mark hadn't shown up. Would he have ended up with Raven or would they still be denying they ever had feelings for each other?

_How the hell did we wind up like this?_

_Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed_

_And try to turn the tables_

An hour later, Beast Boy was clean, dressed and sitting beside Raven's bedside in the medical bay. She had been dressed in one of those shirts that they made people wear in the hospital. It made her look even smaller than he realized she was. Her wrists were wrapped tightly in white bandages and little wires seemed to swallow her up as the machines made beeping and buzzing sounds that showed various statistics that he didn't understand. He reached for the blanket pulling it up around her more. Cyborg had left a few minutes ago, after triple checking everything was working properly and how she was doing but that still didn't make him feel alright about everything. After all, far as he was told, Raven was on her second bag of blood. He pushed that out of his mind as he reached down, placing his hand in her smaller one.

Her fists clenched against his tightly, almost making him yelp out in surprise and pain. He looked down at her, her fists clenching tighter. He looked over where the machine told her heart rate, it was faint but still beating steadily. '_Had you ever tried to leave? Had you ever packed your bags and made to go? I made you do that once or twice before Terra was back for good. It happened so much sometimes, why couldn't you do it to him?'_ He thought with a small smile. He only ever fought with her to get her attention because he wanted her to take notice of him and maybe return his crush he had on her, all those years ago. '_Look how that went. What happened?'_

_I wish you'd unclench your fist and unpack your suitcase_

_Lately there's been too much of this_

_But don't think it's too late_

Beast Boy shifted when he heard the door open. By the heart beat alone, he knew who it was, even if he couldn't hear those distinct footsteps. He pulled away from the hand that went to grab his arm. He turned cold green eyes to Terra's blue ones.

"You can't stay here waiting for her to wake up. She'll wake up when she wakes up. So come home and we can watch movies, eat enough junk food to make us sick and wait for Cyborg to call us." Terra said, knowing what he was going to say with just the look in his eyes. The next thing that entered his eyes surprised her: sheer fierce determination.

"I'm not leaving her, T. She's my friend and she trusts me. Right now, she doesn't trust too many people and she trusts me so I'm not going to let her down. So you can go home, wait for Cy's call but I'm not leaving her side until she is completely and utterly healed inside and out." He said before turning back to Raven. Terra grunted, grabbing his shoulder.

"We are going home, I don't care what you say about it." Terra said through clenched teeth, her jealousy getting the better of her. He grabbed her hand, twisting it just slightly enough to be uncomfortable. She gawked for a moment as he turned to her, his eyes were glowing a deep dangerous green. He gave a low predatorily growl that she had never heard him use. She pulled away as she backed up slowly before glancing at Raven with a glare.

"Get the hell out of here before I seriously do something I will regret." Beast Boy said deathly cold. Terra backed out of the room as Beast Boy turned back around to Raven. He realized a moment later that he had just almost snapped on his girlfriend more than he had. He was too worried about Raven at the moment to care. He looked down at Raven placing his hand in hers with a sigh.

"I'm here, Honey. I will make this all right but not right now. I promise if only I knew how." Beast Boy said softly, taking her hand and kissing her fingertips.

_Nothing's wrong, just as long as you know_

_That someday I will_

_Someday, somehow_

_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_

_I know you're wondering when _

_(You're the only one who knows that)_

_Someday, somehow_

_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_

_I know you're wondering when_

Beast Boy sighed. What was going to happen now? What had happened for this to happen? He ran his fingers through his blond hair, pushing it momentarily out of his green eyes.

"Well Raven, I'm just going to talk to you for a while because I can't help it. In two weeks, it's my birthday you know. I really wish you could spend it with me, I was thinking of going clubbing or to a bar. The other thing I've been thinking of doing is well, I am going to promise Terra that I'll marry her. Yet you just witness what happened. Hell, I've been rethinking it ever since you called me up in the middle of the night." He said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I know I'm going to go through with it though. I don't think you can hear me anyway but you want to know the secret to why I was rethinking it. Well it was because at one time ,I had this tiny crush on you but that was a while ago. Now the Titans are my family and you love your family, you'd do anything for them, I'd especially do anything for you."

_Well I'd hope since we are here anyway _

_That we could end up saying_

_Things we always needed to say_

_So we could end up staying_

Beast Boy gave a sad chuckle as he looked down at her. He shook his head as he leaned over pushing a strand of violet hair out of her face.

"Honey, I really wonder now what would have happened if neither of them showed up in our lives. You wouldn't be lying here, that's for sure. I can't believe you never told me, I would have protected you. I would have saved you instead of letting this happen. God, why did this have to happen? Why couldn't things have been so different?" He muttered to himself. He touched the white bandages absent-mindedly. He looked down, realizing though her bruises would heal as would her bones, although those scars on her wrists would be a constant reminder of her past. He shook his head to clear away the dark thoughts and any thoughts at all.

_Now the story's played out like this_

_Just like a paperback novel_

_Let's rewrite an ending that fits_

_Instead of a Hollywood horror_

Beast Boy didn't know how long he stayed there thinking, watching over her. Sometimes Cyborg would come in, check on her vitals and do anything else needed before slipping out. knowing it was fruitless to get his friend to leave her side. Starfire had come in sometime, when it was dark once or twice, to check up on both of them, bringing him something to eat which he only picked at. It was late morning when Robin walked in but he wasn't even sure what day it was or what time it was even. He looked at Robin as Cyborg followed in after him. Robin put a hand on Beast Boy's shoulder.

"She doesn't need the wires anymore. Cy just wanted to make sure that she would be okay last night but we can move her to her room now." Robin said as Cyborg started to undo and remove the wires. Beast Boy shook his head.

"Can we move her into my old room instead? Her room is so dark and dreary, it's not the best place for someone trying to heal." Beast Boy said. Cyborg chuckled at him.

"I thought you might say that so I placed a monitor on her heart in your room, just encase she has a relapse or something otherwise she's just sleeping. She should try to heal herself soon." Cyborg replied, smiling softly at his best friend. "Oh by the way, Terra is in the living room. She wants to talk to you. Robin and I will transport Raven and when you're done, you know where to find her. I'll stay with her until you get there. Also get yourself something to eat." Beast Boy nodded, standing slowly, heading towards the door. He stopped, looking back over his shoulder.

"How many days have I been in here?" He asked with a slight yawn. Robin looked over at Cyborg with a sigh.

"A day and a half you've been here. She's been here the entire time and ranting like nobody's business." Robin answered. Beast Boy nodded before exiting. He walked into the living room to see the blond pacing. She looked up at him and gave a glare. He moved, hopping over the couch, landing on his feet and sat like he always liked to, feet on the couch crouched down.

"You haven't moved from her side in two days. You haven't came to even see me. I just get nothing. It seriously makes me think you need to get you're priorities straight." Terra said steely. He arched an eyebrow as he leaned back against the couch.

"T, you know I love you but right now Raven needs me. She's been through a lot and she trusts me. I can't just abandon her." Beast Boy replied. Terra glared at him as she clenched her fists.

"You would choose her over me? Fine, you have three days to be here but after that we talk and you come home. If you realize before what's more important, you know where to find me." She said marching out of the living room. He sighed, running his fingers through his hair before walking over to the kitchen.

Upon entering his old room, he noticed Cyborg sitting in his computer chair beside the bed. He nodded his thanks before sitting down on the floor. He heard Cyborg leave, knowing he wanted to be alone and took a deep breath. _'Maybe Terra's right. Maybe it's strange to sit so determinedly beside Raven when I want to marry Terra. Arg! What is wrong with me? I'm in love with Terra but I can't leave Raven's side. Something is completely wrong with me. No, nothing's wrong with me, I'm just worried about Raven and once everything is back to normal. I can make it all right with both of them.' _He thought with a sigh.

_Nothing's wrong, just as long as you know_

_That someday I will_

_Someday, somehow_

_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_

_I know you're wondering when_

_(You're the only one who knows that)_

_Someday, somehow_

_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_

_I know you're wondering when_

_(You're the only one who knows that)_

Beast Boy looked down at his feet. He growled, pulling at his hair in frustration. He was so confused. His emotions and mind didn't know what to do or what it wanted anymore. He banged his head off the chair. He sighed, pushing away all thoughts of either of them as he moved to sit on the chair and reached out taking Raven's small hand in his once again.

"Well Raven, I guess I really messed up this time. Terra's mad at me, you've been unconscious for almost two days and I'm more confused than ever. I thought those days were over several years ago. How the hell did it turn out like this?" He asked softly to the unconscious girl. She gave a moan before going back to silence. He sighed.

_How the hell did we wind up like this?_

_Why weren't we able, to see the sign that we missed_

_And try to turn the tables_

_Now the story's played out like this_

_Just like a paperback novel_

_Let's rewrite an ending that fits_

_Instead of a Hollywood horror_

Weariness seemed to drag at his bones. He hadn't realized how tired he was after being awake for almost two days straight until then. Beast Boy looked at the sun shining through the window and ignored it. He looked at the double bed that Raven was lying in and sighed pulling the blankets back. He eased into the bed, shifting everything safely around her.

"You can hurt me later." He muttered to Raven.

_Nothing's wrong as long as you know_

_That someday I will_

_Someday, somehow_

_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_

_I know you're wondering when_

_(You're the only one who knows that)_

Beast Boy gave a soft smile as Raven curled up in his arms. He closed his eyes, wrapping his arms protectively around her as he slowly started to drift to sleep. His last thoughts were slow as his mind started to drift. _'I'm going to make everything right again, Raven but not right now. I promise you, I will. Only you know when though.' _He thought. His last thought before completely drifting was:_ 'I love you.'_

_Someday, somehow_

_I'm gonna make it all right but not right now_

_I know you're wondering when_

_(you're the only one who knows that)_

_I know you're wondering when_

_(You're the only one who knows that)_

_I know you're wondering when_

**To Be Continued...**

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I know it wasn't the best. I don't know though. I'll update again soon in a weeks' time. Please Review.

**Next Chapter:** Imaginary Origin. Raven's inside her mind.


	9. Imaginary Origin

A/N: Thank you all so much for reviewing. I love them all and them so make my day. I seriously need some cheering up with exams and life in general so please bring on the love. Enjoy this chapter.

That was the original note so I'm adding to it. I am SO sorry for the delay, I've been busy and well I just lost my creative juices completely in May but better late then never. Here is another chapter.

Warnings: Stuff?? Does that work for now?

Disclaimer: If I owned it, would I be here writing? Therefore I do not own Teen Titans and I don't own the song by Evanescence.

_Chapter Nine_

_Imaginary (Origin)_

Beast Boy jumped out of bed as an ear splitting scream pierced through his unconsciousness. He landed on the floor in a heap of blankets. He rubbed his sensitive ears before looking up at Raven. She had cuddled into the corner between the wall and the headboard. She hugged her knees to her chest as she rocked back and forth staring blankly into space. Cyborg rushed in with Robin and Starfire behind him, ready to attack if necessary. Beast Boy turned to them, when Raven opened her mouth again letting out another ear splitting scream. He stood, reaching out to touch her shoulder and she scuttled away in fear from his touch.

Cyborg stepped forward, looking down at his scanners as they went over Raven's vitals and physical being. He rubbed his head as he looked down at the stats and muttered something to himself as he seemed to double check the stats, then make his scanners to go once again to make sure. He sighed before turning towards the others.

"She's physically okay, a little exhausted. The problem is because she has gone through so many traumas, she has turned herself inward and has pretty much trapped her mind in her own little world. I don't know if we can even help her until her mind allows her to come out." Cyborg said sadly. Beast Boy sighed, sitting down in a chair beside the bed.

"I'll stay with her and see if I can try and get her to snap out of it." Beast Boy said.

_Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming_

_Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights_

Raven looked around where she stood. The sky over her head was a dark forbidding purple with strange clouds. She stood in the middle of an endless field filled with colourful flowers. The sky overhead rumbled before a rippling image took shape. She watched as Mark punched her. The feeling coursed through her though it was intensified tenfold. She let out a scream that wreaked her whole body. She felt rather than saw the next hit that coursed through her body. '_What god hates me so much to make me relive this?'_ She thought miserably as she crouched on the ground in pain.

Raven's body continued to hurt as the images flew past her now more and more in a blur. The pain continued to grow even though the images moved faster above her. She screamed and screamed until she swore she couldn't scream any more. She just wanted it all to stop, just so she could rest without the worry of being hurt by him. She craved that rest and the deep sleeping that would come with it.

_Oh how I long for the deep sleeping dreaming_

_The goddess of imaginary light_

With one final scream, the pain ceased and the images slowed. Raven sighed as she laid down in the grass, her violet eyes staring into the space above her. She shook her head at her last thought, she would never be able to sleep not yet anyway but for the moment she would just lay there for now and not think about it just for a little while.

_In my field of paper flowers_

_And candy clouds of lullaby_

_I lie inside myself for hours_

_And watch my purple sky fly over me_

Raven sighed, staring up at the sky trying not to think but soon they came creeping back into her consciousness ever so slowly. She knew that though her mind may be safe where she was presently, that left her friends and her own body unprotected from the monster. The monster that for a long time would haunt her until she either returned to his side or he was destroyed. She knew that she would have to eventually return to his side to protect the ones she cared about. Oh how she just wanted to stay here, to rest and to hide away from the monster and his evil. Perhaps this was some sick dream and she would wake up beside him once again.

_I linger in the doorway_

_Of alarm clock screaming_

_Monsters calling my name_

A soft breeze rustled the grass around her and brushed against her skin like a loving caress she had never felt. The clouds over her head, rushed over her head, becoming a strange dark pink. A splash of water touched her skin and she sighed in content. The clouds were crying and hitting the surfaces around her sounding out a soothing symphony that told a story, her sad story. '_Yes, how nice it would be to stay here. Oh please let me stay here.' _She thought sadly, not caring about the rain that fell from the clouds.

_Let me stay_

_Where the wind will whisper to me_

_Where the raindrops_

_As they're falling tell a story_

Raven breathed in the smells of the earth, of the wet grass, of the rain and wind. It was soothing but her heart was heavy. She would have to soon return to her friends and by now Beast Boy had probably told them what had happened. Pain shot through her and she felt her heart become heavier. How was she supposed to ever escape him? He would come after her; he would hurt her friends and take her away from them forever. How was she to escape the memories that haunted her even in this peaceful realm? How was she going to cope with the pain? Why hadn't they all just let her die?

_If you need to leave the world you live in_

_Lay your head down and stay a while_

Something was nagging at Raven in the back of her mind, something that she had partially forgotten from a long time ago or from a dream. Her chosen one was one of the things making her still live but that didn't matter anymore, her chosen one would move on if he never met her. Something else though was there, something she had forgotten. She pushed it away from her thoughts not caring to remember. She wished to remain without those dreams from years gone by.

_Though you may not remember dreaming_

_Something waits for you to breathe again_

Raven sat up, deciding perhaps it was best to return to her friends. She would find ways to cope with the pain. She would find ways to make sure she didn't feel anything else to make her seem dead on the inside, or perhaps there were ways to escape it. She would find ways. She would not hope, she would not hope for him not to return because she knew he would, he always did and she would go with him so her friends would not get hurt, so that Gar wouldn't get hurt.

_In my field of paper flowers_

_And candy clouds of lullaby_

Beast Boy sat beside the bed, watching his friend cower from him and the world. She hadn't screamed for a long time but she sat staring into some unknown void, her violet eyes unfocused and unseeing. He sighed, running his fingers through his blond hair. It had been hours since she had cuddled up into that corner and he was worried about her. He had thought about getting her nevermore mirror and going in after her but she hadn't used it since she had moved in with he-who-must-not-be-named; he wasn't even sure if the mirror would work anymore. He sighed once again but noticed Raven blink a few times.

"Raven?" He ventured, unsure if he was just seeing things. Lifeless, dull violet eyes turned to him and she nodded. He reached out to touch her and once again she moved away. He nodded in understanding. "Are you awake now?"

"Yes, Beast Boy I am. I think a cup of tea would be nice though." She replied, her voice sounding much like her eyes, lifeless and dull and partially hoarse from screaming and non-use. He smiled, standing up, heading towards the door.

"I'll go make you some. You just relax and rest." He said before disappearing out the door. Raven stood, walking out of his room, heading to her old room. She walked in and sat down on the bed. '_Yes I will find ways to cope even if I have to lie inside myself for hours.'_ She thought, falling back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling.

_I lie inside myself for hours_

_And watch my purple sky fly over me_

**To Be Continued...**

I hope you liked this chapter. I apologize for the delay, lots of things got in the way plus I just couldn't figure out how I wanted this chapter to go. I am trying to work on finishing some of my older stuff but I thought you all deserved a chapter. I'll try to update again soon as soon as I figure out what I want to happen in the next chapter though I think I know. Please Review.

**Next Chapter**: I'm Not An Addict. Idea for the next chapter is Raven finds one way to cope and BB deals with Terra (maybe??).


	10. I'm Not An Addict

A/N: Thank you all for reviewing. An extra big thanks to BeastBoy4pres052 for the song that is used for this chapter so this chapter is dedicated to you and all your great song ideas! I also do not know that much about drugs so you'll have to forgive me for any mistakes but what the heck this is fiction. I also don't know much about alcohol or clubs as I have never been to one (I really do need to get to one). Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Warnings: abuse, alcohol, drugs, cutting, etc...

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. I also do not own the song choice that was BeastBoy4pres052. I also don't own the song by K's Choice. I own the White Wizard and the drug dealer that's it!

_Chapter Ten_

_I'm Not an Addict_

Raven hadn't left her room in two days. For the most part she stared at the ceiling but if Beast Boy tried to sit by her bedside, she would throw him out the door so for the last two days, he was sitting outside the door on a chair. That's where he was right now, sitting outside of her room on an uncomfortable chair. Robin walked up to him running his fingers through his hair.

"I just figured I should warn you, Terra's on her way here and she doesn't look very happy." Robin said, giving him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder before walking down the hall in the opposite direction of the way he had indicated Terra was coming. Beast Boy sighed. '_Guess its time to talk.' _He thought with a sigh. He ran his fingers through his hair as Terra walked up to him. She tapped her foot impatiently.

"Well are you coming home or not? It's been three days since you've been here. It's like you don't even care about me." Terra said. Beast Boy looked up at her.

"I care about you, T. I love you, for goodness sake's." He replied. She looked at him, raising an eyebrow in question.

"But? You can't come until Raven is better. You know what BB, you need some time alone to deal with your issues. So until you make up your mind, we are officially on a break. Call me if you want to talk." She said, shaking her head and walking away. Beast Boy sighed, running fingers through his hair once again. '_What? A break? But I love you Terra, what is going on?' _He thought. confused and dazed.

_Breathe it in and breathe it out_

_And pass it on it's almost out_

Raven stared at herself in the mirror. She had heard Terra and Gar's conversation. She felt empty in her chest, even after what had happened to Gar because her emotions were still locked away from the world. The water from the tap was still running like the tears rolling down her cheeks that had no emotion attached. Somehow nothing mattered anymore even what happened to Gar and what had happened to her anymore for she was empty. Perhaps it would have been better if she had died, things would have even easier.

Her scarred wrists proved that something didn't want her dead though but oh how she still wished for it, even now. He had tormented her for so long and he was still out there somewhere and all she wanted was to be released from his grasp. He still had control over her even now inside the Tower and she knew he would for as long as she was alive. Why couldn't she have died, so she could rest in peace without having to look over her shoulder and jump at every little noise? She was living in fear and that was no way to live.

A knock at her bathroom door caused her to jump. Raven sighed, opening it up to look at Beast Boy. He seemed almost like he was in a daze as he stared at her. His eyes were red and puffy, causing her to realize he had been crying since she had been in the bathroom.

"Raven, do you think we could go out somewhere? I really don't care where, just out." Beast Boy asked, his voice almost devoid of emotion. Raven looked at him wondering if that's how she sounded to everyone like her life had been sucked out of her. She stared at him for a moment, trying to decide. "It's okay I understand, you are still recovering." He turned to leave but something made her grab his arm.

"I would like to get out of the Tower." She said softly. Beast Boy nodded, turning and leading her out of the Tower without saying a word to anyone. He transformed into a hawk and took off towards the city with Raven flying beside him.

_We're so creative and so much more_

_We're high above but on the floor_

Beast Boy set down across the street from a club whose neon sign blared in the darkness. Raven looked at the place but didn't really care as she followed Beast Boy across the street and past the bouncer. When she walked in, the atmosphere was smoky and the music was almost deafening. The patrons didn't even bother looking at them as they walked in. She watched as Beast Boy made a beeline to the bar. She shook her head; she needed something stronger than alcohol to dull her pain. She headed towards the more private areas, knowing Beast Boy would be along behind her as soon as he had ordered and drank his first drink.

Raven sat on the semi-circle couch watching people move around the club. Quite a few people were on the dance floor but most people were mingling and she refrained from outwardly shaking her head. Beast Boy walked over to her, sitting beside her with some amber looking liquid in a glass in both hands. She raised an eyebrow but ignored it.

_It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive_

_If you don't have it you're on the other side_

Raven watched as a man walked towards them. He sat down beside her with several others following. People came and went as he handed them something and left. Raven watched him as he lit what looked like a cigarette but from the smell was definitely not. He smiled and handed it to her.

"First one's on the house. After that I can provide you anything you want for a small fee. I'm the cheapest you'll find around here." He said with a smoky voice. Raven nodded, putting the rolled up paper to her mouth and inhaled slowly. She looked at him confused when nothing seemed to be happening. He chuckled at her. "Most people's first time they don't feel the effects. You look like you could use something a little stronger. I let you try this for free, if you like it, you let me know." He went into a pocket and pulled out a powdery white substance. He leaned over pouring it out onto the glass tabletop in front of him.

"What is that?" Raven asked as she glanced at Beast Boy out of the corner of her eye. If she was counting right he was on his fifth glass of what she assumed was whiskey or maybe it was beer, she wasn't quite sure anymore, for all she knew he was switching his poison. The man smiled at her.

"Inhale through the nose. It'll take a while to hit the system but not as long as that." He said pointing at the rolled up paper with a smile as she looked at the two perfect lines on the table. He handed her a cut straw and she sighed. '_This is one way to cope.' _She thought. She leaned over and did as she had been instructed. She screwed up her face at it and the man laughed. "Not your cup of tea I see."

_The deeper you stick it in your vein_

_The deeper the thoughts, there's no more pain_

_I'm in heaven, I'm a god_

_I'm everywhere, I'm feel so hot_

Raven sat for several moments smoking the marijuana. The effects of the cocaine were slowly kicking in. Relaxation seemed to be settling in along with her surroundings seeming dimmer. The man chuckled at her as she leaned more into the cushions. He looked at Beast Boy by now who was becoming more and more depressed due to his drunkenness.

"What's your friend trying to forget?" He asked. Raven gave a content-like smile as she looked over at Beast Boy.

"He's on a break with his girlfriend." Raven replied evenly. Beast Boy glared at her as he downed another glass. The man seemed to be looking at her with a kind of strange understanding.

"You are trying to escape something far more worse than that, I know. You have this desperate look in your eyes for some way to cope and escape from the pain and the memories." He said softly. Raven nodded slowly.

"I'm trying to escape a monster." She stated, leaning more and more into the cushions.

_It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive_

_If you don't have it you're on the other side_

_I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)_

The man looked at her for a moment with a sigh, he ran his fingers through his hair. He went into his bag handing her several bags of weed. He handed her several other bags with a smile.

"Those put over heat. Breathe in the smoke, it will do wonders. You have monsters; with this you will be chasing the dragons. Enjoy my dear girl and remember this: do not let demons and monsters destroy you. What I give you is an escape but it will not repair you, only love can do that." He said handing her a slip of paper before disappearing into the crowd.

Raven sighed, she had been sitting there for what felt like hours. She knew her perception was off but she didn't care. Beast Boy was sitting beside her, still drunk and he was quite out of it. Her new friend as she would call him was gone and she was alone.

_It's over now, I'm cold, alone_

_I'm just a person on my own_

_Nothing means a thing to me_

_(Nothing means a thing to me)_

Raven stood slowly, grabbing her packages placing them in a hidden pocket before turning to Beast Boy with a sigh. She wasn't even sure if he could walk, let alone stand on his own. She grabbed his arm, hauling him to his feet. He glared at her.

"What do ya think ya doing?" He asked his speech slurred. Raven nearly growled at him but refrained from doing so as she could still feel the relaxing effects in her body. She stared at him for a moment.

"We are going home. You are drunk and I am still quite high but neither matters for we need sleep more than anything else in the world." Raven said, not truly caring what he thought of her right now. She knew there was no way Beast Boy would be able to fly back home in his condition that only left her one way and she was unsure if she could do it. With not having been able to do it for so long because of the monster that haunted her. In this state though, could she be trusted to return them to the Tower safely and not end up somewhere else?

_It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive_

_If you don't have it you're on the other side_

_I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)_

Some part of her really truly thought, what does it matter anyway? Beast Boy was looking at her with a look of concentration on his face like he was trying to understand what she was telling him. She shook her head. She wrapped them in her cape and they disappeared, sinking into the floor. For a moment, she felt like she could simply float in a void forever but knew she couldn't as Beast Boy was starting to freak out. Raven sighed, before they appeared in her room.

Beast Boy looked around and immediately moved to the bed where he crashed onto it. Within a few seconds he was asleep. Raven watched him sleeping as she sat in the air. She had another joint in her hands and was burning incense to get rid of the smell, just in case the crazy Robin decided to do something about it. She just continued to watch Beast Boy in his sleep. A slight feeling in her chest made her wonder what she truly felt about her blond friend. She knew just before she had tried to kill herself, she had felt something towards him that wasn't her normal friendship feeling. Something that had never gone away even though she thought she had moved on. She shook her head, she couldn't really feel any emotions anymore so it didn't matter what it had been.

Raven gave a smile, something she hadn't done since her attempted suicide. She set her feet down on the floor and moved over to him. Something made her reach out to him, her hand brushed over his soft skin before touching his golden locks. She pulled away as if she had been burned as she breathed in another puff from her joint. '_What was going on with me? Gar is on the rebound and you're still being hunted by a monster. Plus you don't feel emotions anyway so what the hell are you doing?'_

_Free me, leave me_

_Watch me as I'm going down_

_Free me, see me_

_Look at me, I'm falling and I'm falling_

Raven shook her head, walking over to her desk as she continued to smoke. Her nevermore mirror sat face down and she refused to mediate with her emotions. She had locked them in there a long time ago. She looked at the packages littering the top of it and saw her knife. She felt a pull towards it and reached out wrapping her hands around the blade. It bit into her flesh and she felt the need to feel something and anything that she herself could control. She grabbed the handle with her right hand and dragged the blade effortlessly across her arm. She watched the blood come to the surface and she almost smirked. She repeated the process twice more before stopping. They weren't as deep as the ones she had done only a few days ago but she was able to find release in the feeling of blade into flesh.

_It is not a habit, it is cool, I feel alive I feel..._

_It is not a habit, it is cool, I feel alive_

Raven smirked finishing her joint and watched the incense as she felt her high slowly slip away as the hours slipped by. She looked down at her arm and gently bandaged it up. She looked at the bed where Beast Boy was still passed out, and not truly caring she fell into bed beside him as she stared up at the ceiling. She had felt so alive on that high; she had felt almost normal again. She had found her ways to cope and perhaps it wouldn't become a habit. She looked over at Beast Boy once more and almost smiled at him.

_It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive_

_If you don't have it you're on the other side_

Raven watched Beast Boy and once again touched his face. She was still mildly relaxed from the weed but she could feel the effects slowly fading and she almost felt like getting up out of the bed for another one. Though exhaustion was dragging at her and she was slowly falling into the darkness as she stared at Beast Boy.

_It's not a habit, it's cool, I feel alive_

_If you don't have it you're on the other side_

_I'm not an addict (maybe that's a lie)_

_I'm not an addict..._

**To Be Continued...**

I hope you liked it. Things have to get worse before they get better for poor Raven and BB. I have mapped out all the way to chapter 19 so yay for me! I will update again soon. Please Review.

**Next Chapter: **_Bottom of a Bottle. _Things just keep escalating between the drugs and alcohol Raven and Beast Boy are into.


	11. Bottom Of A Bottle

A/N: Thank you. I'm sorry that it had to get worse before it gets better eventually for them. Also I am sorry but I thought it was best to change the rating due to the drug and alcohol content in the next few chapters so therefore this is now rated **M**. I'm going to try to keep this a mild M but either way it's still rated that, you can turn back now if you wish. Also a side note due to the fact that they are super human/demons, etc they can take more drug/alcohol abuse then we can. Also sorry for the delay but a vase broke over top of my laptop while I was working on this chapter otherwise I would have done this earlier. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Warnings: violence, drugs, alcohol, abuse, etc…

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. I do not own the song by Smile Empty Soul (although I love this song and wish I did own it).

_Chapter 11_

_Bottom Of A Bottle_

**Two days later**

Beast Boy sat on a bar stool. His hand was wrapped around a glass of what was known as Drunk Ninja, the strongest alcohol the bartender could find known as Everclear mixed with Kahlua. The first glass was a little weird but otherwise it wasn't that bad. He wasn't even sure what number he was on. He sighed; Terra wanted him to deal with his issues. He loved Terra, he knew that but what about how he had been feeling towards Raven. Sure he had, had a crush on her when he had kissed her so many years ago. Yet he still wondered why if he loved Terra now, why he had ran to Raven's aid without any thoughts or talked to her at midnight while she was crying. _'She's my friend I would have done the same for Starfire if it was her_.' He thought '_Or would you have?'_ That annoying little voice at the back of his head asked. He shook his head; what was wrong with him?

_Been scared and lonely_

_I've asked myself is something wrong with you_

_My girlfriend told me_

_I need sometime alone to deal with issues_

Raven leaned back into her cushions on her bed. She had gone to see the dealer again, the next night after waking up next to Gar. She had gone through a good chunk of her supply during the daylight hours in one day. Going back, she had learned some more things and acquired a more adequate supply to last her for the next two weeks. She smiled as the heroin's vapours had filled her room, along with the weed she was smoking and a needle lay beside her on the bed along with her knife. She was smiling lazily at ceiling from the effects of the combined drugs. Green eyes seemed to flash on her ceiling, making her realize the strange ritual Beast Boy and she had gotten into.

When he woke in the morning, he would slip away to his room to have a shower and get dressed. He would have his own breakfast before bringing her herbal tea, toast, three pieces of fruit, a sandwich and two bottles of water. He would sit and watch Raven drink the herbal tea and eat the toast and at least half a piece of fruit before getting up to find a bar that was open so early in the morning. She would go into her drug filled haze until sometime late at night when he called her. At that time, she would open her window to get the drug filled air gone and he would return a little while later to drink in her silence and she would inject the heroin so as not to pollute his body. He would watch her cut herself and not say anything about it. Though sometimes they would talk and other times it was just silence. Then he would fall asleep in her bed and she would soon go as well before the process began again.

Something was gnawing at her drug induced brain. Something from her past was trying to come to the surface and her powers instinctively reached over for the flame inside of Beast Boy to find it rather low. Comfort instantly surrounded her and she wondered why that was. She wondered for a second, why she even bothered to carry on in the first place as her mind jumped from thought to thought. She strained to keep that thought in her mind, why had she bothered to carry on before she ended back at the Tower. She was finding it so difficult to understand why she did ,in this state. She pushed it all away as she stared at the ceiling in her haze of drugged happiness not bothering to care anymore.

_But something makes me carry on_

_It's difficult to understand_

_Why I always wanna fly_

Beast Boy stared into his glass. Why had he come to the bar? Why had he started drinking in the first place? He wondered on this for several moments but he knew why partially. It was to numb the pain of losing Terra but at the same time that wasn't right. He wondered, if it was simply because of the love he seemed to find in the bottom of a bottle. He chuckled to himself; the love of the bottom of a bottle seemed to be just right. That's why he drank and probably why he carried on as well. He shook his head. '_But why does Raven do drugs then?'_ He wondered shaking his head. He dug into his jean pocket, pulling out his cell phone. He dialled the familiar number, waiting for Raven to pick up.

"_Hello Gar." _Raven answered happily. He knew though it was just the drugs effect on her that made her sound that way.

"Hi Honey. I'll be home soon but I have a question for you." Beast Boy said softly. He heard the bed move as she stood up. She seemed to giggle on the other end as she moved across the room towards her window.

"_What's the question?_" She asked in a giggly voice. He smiled, it was good to hear her happy but at the same time he knew it was just the drugs. He ran his fingers through his short blond hair, trying to think of the best way to ask his question. "_Just say it already Gar."_

"Why do you do drugs?" He asked softly. He heard silence on the other end of the phone and it made him wonder if she was going to answer. A slight humming sound came from the other end and he chuckled; he could hear her dancing.

"_I do it just to feel alive. I haven't felt alive in almost two years. I do it to escape the monster that haunts me even now who beckons me to come to him. He knows I will come to him eventually but right now I am alive without him._" She practically sang. Beast Boy chuckled at her so he drank for the love and she did drugs to feel alive. How ironic was their life right at that moment.

_I do it for the drugs_

_I do it just to feel alive_

_I do it for the love_

_That I get from the bottom of a bottle_

Beast Boy shook his head as she continued to hum on the other end of the phone. A beep between her humming told him that someone else was trying to get a hold of him. He gave a soft curse under his breathe knowing exactly who it was.

"Raven, I got another call. I'll be home soon, I'll see you then." He said as he stood up from the barstool.

"_Okay. See you soon." _Raven said before hanging up. He sighed, looking down pressing the button to go over to the other person.

"Hello?" Gar answered. A sob met him causing him to pull the phone away from his sensitive ears. He knew immediately that it was Terra as no one else ever sobbed loudly in his ears as of late.

"_Beast Boy, how are you doing? How did you make it through the day?_" Terra's sickly sweet voice asked, making him wonder how he ever lived with her for so long but he loved her so what could he really say.

"I'm fine, Terra." Beast Boy replied as he walked out of the bar. '_Sometimes I wish she wouldn't call me cry. I just want to say to her don't cry to me.' _He thought rubbing at his ear. She gave another loud sob before he heard the doorbell ring of their apartment through the phone.

"_I'll call you back in a minute._" She sniffed before hanging up. Beast Boy sighed contently. As he headed back to the Tower, he wondered if all that was going on was God's way of making him pay. He pushed that out of his mind as he stumbled down the street, falling to the ground as rain immediately opened across the dark sky. '_Yes this is God's way of making me pay.'_

_You always call me_

_And ask me how I make it through the day_

_I'm always fallin'_

_I guess it's just God's way of making me pay_

Raven sighed as the rain poured down outside her open window. She knew the other caller was the Queen Bitch as she liked to call her which meant Beast Boy was coming home feeling crappy. Not at all like how she felt at that very moment.

A few minutes later the door to her room opened up to a very drenched Beast Boy; blond hair was spiked from him running his fingers through it and a few hairs had fallen into his dark green eyes. She looked him up and down to double check she was in fact looking at Beast Boy.

His leather jacket was soaked, his jeans were an even darker blue and his white t-shirt was now see-through due to the rain. Every toned muscle on his chest was visible to her gaze and she almost felt her jaw drop. She didn't ever quite remember Beast Boy looking so drop-dead gorgeous before. '_Whoa! Back up brain, you did not just call Beast Boy drop-dead gorgeous. This is BB, we are talking about. Fun-loving, annoying and cheerful Beast Boy, that's who we are talking about but when did he get so good looking?'_ Raven shook her head, trying to get rid of the thoughts in her head. She quickly ran to her bathroom, grabbing a few towels and handing them to him. He gave her a thankful smile before removing his jacket causing more of his body to be exposed to Raven's eyes and she couldn't help but stare.

"What are you staring at Raven?" Beast Boy asked about to take one towel to his head when her hand on his arm stopped him. Raven reached up running her fingers through wet blond locks causing more hairs to stand up. A shiver ran through his body as a strange sensation took over. He looked into violet eyes and he wondered what it would be like to stare into those eyes for the rest of his life. He shook his head as he looked down to see her hands removing his soaked t-shirt. He moved helping her remove it before she smiled slightly. He growled as his cell phone rang in his pants pocket, breaking the moment they had been having.

_But something makes me carry on_

_It's difficult to understand_

_Why I always wanna fly_

Beast Boy watched as Raven took his shirt and jacket towards the bathroom as he took out his cell phone. He growled, seeing the number flashing on the screen. '_Why did she have to call when I was having a moment with Raven? Why do I care that Terra broke a moment between Raven and I? I'm supposed to be in love with Terra not Raven. ARR! Why do I have to be so confused?' _He thought as he flipped the phone open.

"Yes Terra? What do you want now?" Beast Boy snapped. Raven covered a giggle as she re-entered the room, happy that Beast Boy wasn't happy that Terra was calling him again. He almost growled at the sniffle at the other end.

"_BB, don't you want to talk to me. I thought you loved me. I know you're going through some stuff right now but I figure you would be coming back home soon. It's been too many days apart._" Terra cried on the other line. Beast Boy shook his head, running his fingers through his hair.

"Terra, I'm soaked and drunk. Right now, I just want to go to bed so I can try not to have a hangover tomorrow. So unless you have something important to say, I'm going to find my stash of liquor and have one last drink before I crash in bed." He managed to snarl out. Terra sniffed again on the other side.

"_I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow_." Terra whispered before the other end went dead. Beast Boy glared at his phone, turning it off so she couldn't bother him the rest of the night. He ran fingers through his hair once again before removing his wet shoes and socks before whipping off his soaked pants. Raven stood looking at him shocked. Whenever they were together or Beast Boy was sleeping in her bed, there was always clothing on. Shaking her head, she headed for her needle knowing she was going to need much more drugs in her system if she was going to survive through this night.

_I do it for the drugs_

_I do it just to feel alive_

_I do it for the love_

_That I get from the bottom of a bottle_

_I do it for the drugs_

_I do it just to feel alive_

_I do it for the love_

_That I get from the bottom of a bottle_

Beast Boy moved towards a backpack in the corner and rummaged through it, pulling out a pair of boxers. He turned, heading towards the bathroom to hang up his socks and jeans as well as change his boxers.

Raven sat on her bed, curling up in the covers as the wind coming in from the open window was freezing. She shivered, despite the warm comforters piled around her. She watched as Beast Boy came out of the bathroom, his hair was dry and he was wearing a clean pair of boxers. He looked around the room, shivering before turning to the window to see it wide open. He quickly moved to close the window. A loud boom of thunder echoed outside as he shut the window tightly. Raven smiled at him.

"Thanks for closing the window." Raven whispered softly. Beast Boy nodded, grabbing a bottle of liquor off the desk nearby before climbing into the bed next to Raven's warm body. He took a swig of the burning liquor, hoping that it would burn the cold that the rain had put into his body away. "Gar?"

"Yeah, honey?" he answered, leaning back against the pillows. He turned his head to look at curious violet drug filled eyes. '_At least they aren't looking at me with no life left in them.'_ He thought as she curled closer to his body.

"Why do we bother?" Raven asked, in that misty voice that told Beast Boy that she was partially in her own little world. He smiled at her, playing along with her delusional mind.

"Why do we bother doing what?" Beast Boy replied, trying to keep his own mind from being completely fuzzy with alcohol. She giggled that cheerful laugh that reminded him of when he was in Raven's mind and he had met her happy side.

"Why do we bother carrying on? Here I am sitting beside you high as a kite and you are as drunk as ever and for some reason we carry on, willing ourselves to live. Why do we try to carry on? So why do we bother?" She asked, cocking her head to the side in curiosity.

Beast Boy sat up, looking at her before trying to think about this. After all, Terra had in almost every sense of the word, broken up with him so that part of his life was over unless he decided she was exactly what he wanted. He did love Terra a lot but why did he bother to carry on if not being with Terra hurt him so much? He scrunched up his eyes in thought, trying as best he could to think about this. He shook his head, leaning back down in the pillows. '_Why do I?'_ He thought.

_When I, I wonder why I try_

_And I, I wonder why I bother_

_And I, I wonder why I cry_

_Why I, I go through all this trouble_

Raven watched him in curiosity, trying to see what he was thinking. She watched as he sat there for several minutes before turning to her with one of his big goofy smiles she hadn't seen on his face in almost two years and he shrugged. For a moment, she thought she had been transported back in time to when everything he said and did was a big joke and he hadn't become serious because of his life with Terra. All that was gone in a flash and she was left with the drunk, sad green eyes of Beast Boy.

"I don't know maybe you do it for the drugs that make you feel alive and I do it for the love that I get from the bottom of a bottle." Beast Boy said finally. She chuckled at him giving him a light swat at.

_I do it for the drugs_

_I do it just to feel alive_

_I do if for the love_

_That I get from the bottom of a bottle_

Raven seemed to be in another state of mind as Beast Boy waited for her to comment on what he had said. He was almost unsure, if she was off in her world that the drugs took her but she turned to him, her violet eyes filled with sadness over a time gone by.

"Maybe somewhere along the way in our life, something got messed up and we took a wrong turn and we haven't been able to find our way back. Maybe we never moved on but who knows for some reason we still carry on. Maybe you're right and maybe I'm wrong but we will never know until we get everything straightened out." Raven whispered as she laid down staring at the ceiling. He smiled, taking another swig before pushing a strand of purple hair behind her ears. She giggled up at the ceiling as he stared at her and he knew she was in her happy place.

Beast Boy sighed, before leaning over giving her a soft kiss on the forehead. She didn't even move from the touch. He shifted back into his pillows taking a swig of alcohol. '_What is going on? Why did I kiss Raven's forehead? I'm in love with Terra or am I?'_

_I do it for the drugs_

_I do it just to feel alive_

_I do it for the love_

_That I get from the bottom of a bottle_

**To Be Continued…**

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I am going to try to update this again in a week and I have put myself to a schedule for writing but my mother really wants me to finish an original story to publish (okay mom like my mind is on a punch clock that continues going for one story).Anyway I will update I in one week or earlier. Please Review.


	12. Call Me When You're Sober

A/N: Firstly, Thank you all so much for reviewing and reading this story. I am so happy that you are enjoying it. A small side note: the beginning is in italics denoting a dream sequence. So to keep you all happy as well, here is another chapter.

Warnings: Same as usual.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. I do not own the song by Evanescence either.

_Chapter Twelve_

_Call Me When You're Sober_

_I was floating in darkness. Somewhere in that darkness came a familiar giggle. I smiled to myself, it was unlike the drug induced giggle that I had become used to the last few days but there was a genuine happiness about it. A bright flash of light blinded me, causing me to cover my eyes with my arms. As the spots in front of my eyes cleared, I came to realize I was standing on a street in Jump City at night time. Her giggle taunted me in the distance and I ran after it._

_"You want me." She called from the distance. As I turned a corner, I saw the flick of a white cloak dash around another corner causing me to give chase. "Come find me." I turned that corner as well to see a white cloak up ahead of me. I chased after her, all of my animal instincts at their height. She gave another sharp turn as I closed in, quickly losing her again._

_"Raven!" I called, causing her to giggle once again. I stopped suddenly, when she came to a dead end. She turned to me, dressed completely in white and seeing her like that I knew she was finally at peace with her life. I smiled at that thought. Her violet eyes peered out from under her hood and a smile formed on her beautiful soft lips. She took a few steps forward, leaning over to whisper in my ear._

_"You want me. Come find me." She whispered, before backing up and disappearing into her darkness._

Beast Boy woke to a dark room in a very warm bed. That wasn't a strange thing, it was something he had for over a year now after all. He turned glowing eyes to the person sharing his bed, to see violet hair and he sighed. She wasn't his and never was but in that moment waking next to her, he wondered, if what he was feeling right this second, would be how he felt if he woke up beside her for the rest of his life. If he had chose her in the first place and not chosen Terra, would he feel so happy, content and at peace every day of his life when he woke beside her? Would he feel complete if he was with her? He shook his head, ridding himself of the thoughts. '_No hangover, guess I didn't drink enough yesterday.'_ He thought.

Beast Boy stared up at the ceiling. His mind flashed him the image of Terra on the phone last night crying. How often had she done that since she told him he needed time to deal with his issues? He just wished she would stop calling him on the phone, crying to him.

_Don't cry to me_

Terra had called him at least once a day to talk to him. She would constantly say about loving her and that he should be with her. Something about her saying that made him truly wonder, if that was where he was supposed to be or where he was right now was where he was supposed to be.

_If you loved me_

_You would be here with me_

Beast Boy turned, looking at the long purple tresses before him. He smiled, looking at the content smile on her sleeping face, making him remember what the Raven in his dream said.

_You want me_

_Come find me_

He growled internally. He was so confused right now and he wasn't sure what he was going to do. He loved Terra but now thinking about it, he wanted Raven so badly. She made him feel alive without the alcohol or anything. She made him feel happy, content and complete. Terra or Raven who to choose? That really was the question.

_Make up your mind_

Raven opened her eyes slowly. She immediately saw Beast Boy laying in her bed, staring at the ceiling seemingly lost in thought. She internally shook her head. With the drugs gone from her body, her mind was very clear right now and nearly sighed out loud, almost alerting Beast Boy that she was awake. She felt sorry for him, after all. He loved Terra but Terra thought he had issues to deal with. Terra was way off base, his only problem was Terra. She knew he should just tell Terra that it was over but she knew at the same time it would kill him to do, due to his love for the blond.

Raven closed her eyes as Beast Boy turned to look at her. She heard him sigh and push a piece of purple hair from her face. Terra had changed him so much. Beast Boy had become so serious and barely laughed.

Sure she didn't mind him being serious sometimes because it had a kind of sexy appeal to it with his dark emerald eyes. She liked the serious side to him, when it came to having someone dependable and always there. Though she couldn't handle him not laughing though, that was what she loved about him. He could smile and it would melt her heart quicker than she could remember. He would joke around and laugh and just be funny. That was the real Beast Boy that was the man she loved. '_Whoa! I don't love him. He's my friend, there's nothing else between us.'_ Raven thought. She shook her head softly against the pillow. Beast Boy needed to fall and that meant leaving Terra but in the end he would become himself again.

_Should I let you fall?_

_Lose it all?_

_So maybe you can remember yourself_

Raven sighed as she felt his warm hand on her cheek. She turned violet eyes to met soft emerald ones. He smiled down at her and she immediately moved over to lay her head on his toned chest. He wrapped his left arm around her waist and she snuggled in against him. They sat there like that for a moment before Raven turned looking up at Beast Boy.

"Good morning, honey." Beast Boy whispered softly. Raven tilted her head to the side to stare at him. She blinked sleepily before leaning towards him before stopping herself.

"Morning, Gar." She replied just as softly. He gave a smile and leaned down kissing her forehead. Raven shook her head slowly. She wasn't sure what was going on between them but it just felt so right. She looked away, trying to understand the feelings flittering around inside her chest. She knew something was happening between them but she didn't really want to admit it to herself and definitely not to Beast Boy who was having enough problems on his own.

Raven laid her head back down on his chest and just drank in his presence for a moment. She realized if Terra had never come into the picture, she would probably have ended up in this position long before now. She knew she had to wait for Beast Boy to decide what he wanted to do about Terra but she also knew he was too confused to do that. She sighed, knowing though she was comfortable, she had to leave him. She shifted to move but the arm around her waist refused to move.

"Please don't leave yet." Beast Boy whispered. She nodded against his chest before lifting her head to look at him. He smiled at her, touching her hair again.

"Only for a little longer but we can't keep deceiving ourselves." She stated softly though a part of her knew that she couldn't stay long with him, she would have to return to Mark at sometime or another, otherwise he would come looking for her.

_Can't keep believing_

_We are only deceiving ourselves_

_And I'm sick of the lie_

Beast Boy closed his eyes at her words. He nodded slowly before running his fingers through her hair once again. It was so soft like silk, he tried to remember what Terra's hair had felt like and he could never remember a moment when he ran his fingers through it like he was doing Raven's hair. She sighed, leaning against his hand feeling the warmth of his skin. '_What are we doing?'_ Raven thought.

Beast Boy smiled, leaning down towards her when his cell phone rang. He growled low in his throat sounding more feral then Raven had heard him sound in months. He grabbed at the phone and looked down at the caller id.

_And it's too late_

_Don't cry to me_

He flipped the phone open angrily and gave himself a second to calm down before pressing the talk button. Raven shook her head, rolling away from him and moving to stand, when she felt his hand on her wrist stopping her from leaving. She looked back at him to see his green eyes pleading with her to stay as he put the phone to his ear.

"Hello Terra. What can I do for you today?" He asked, his voice sounding rather bored. A small sniff was heard causing him to roll his eyes.

"_I want you home, BB. I miss you. If you truly love me like you say, you'd be here with me. Please come home_." Terra's voice said over the phone. Raven shook her head at the voice she could clearly hear.

_If you loved me_

_You would be here with me_

"Terra, when I make a decision, I will let you know but you are currently cutting into my drinking time." He replied evenly. He turned, looking at Raven. She was sitting on the bed, watching him as she brushed through her long hair. He moved to sit up to watch her for a moment.

**flash**

_Her violet eyes peered out from under her hood and a smile formed on her beautiful soft lips. She took a few steps forward leaning over to whisper in his ear._

_"You want me. Come find me." She whispered before backing up and disappearing into her darkness._

**end flash**

Beast Boy shook his head for a moment, trying to rid his mind of his dream to focus on the crying Terra on the end of the phone. He nearly growled in annoyance at the girl.

_You want me_

_Come fine me_

_Make up your mind_

Raven looked at Beast Boy, trying not to focus on what the two blonds were talking about. For a moment she wondered if Terra was working with Mark but pushed that thought from her head before it could fully develop. One thing she did know though, was that Terra was playing games with Beast Boy's mind just to get him back. She could see he was getting sick of it. '_She's playing the victim to get him to come back to her like he was the one that broke them apart in the first place. If only Gar would decide what to do.' _Raven thought.

"_BB, please come back to me. I want you here with me. I miss you so much. I love you." _Terra's voice said. Raven growled, grabbing the phone from Beast Boy who looked at her shocked.

"I've don't have much to say to you bitch but you listen and you listen good." Raven stated roughly.

"_Couldn't take the blame,_

_Sick with shame._

_Must be exhausting to lose your own game._

_Selfishly hated,_

_No wonder you're jaded._

_You can't play the victim this time,_

_And you're too late."_

Raven was breathing heavy after finishing her rant. She could see Beast Boy looking at her in shock. She could hear Terra seething on the other end of the phone.

"_How dare you! You little bitch! I'm not losing any game to you! Beast Boy is mine and he always will be. Now put him back on the phone bitch!" _Terra said her voice dripping with venom.

"I already told you, Terra. You're too late. You've lost the game. Beast Boy has seemed to have made up his mind but he's just too nice to let you fall." Raven replied, her voice as dull as it used to be.

_Don't cry to me_

_If you loved me_

_You would be here with me_

_You want me _

_Come find me_

_Make up your mind_

Beast Boy stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out what she must be thinking. Raven refused to sigh so that Terra could hear her but she pulled the phone away from her to let the bitch rant until she was blue in the face. She shrugged at Beast Boy.

"You never called me when you were sober. When you were drunk you called me to tell me you were coming home because you cared about me. Did you ever call her? No." Raven whispered so that Terra wouldn't be able to hear them. He nodded slowly.

"_-Bitch, you put BB on the phone now or you'll never know what hit you."_ Terra said at the end of her rant. Raven grumbled, her mirror across the room shattered. She laughed into the phone acting like her dark energy hadn't just shattered her mirror.

"You only really want him because you truly know it's over." Raven said cruelly. Terra seemed to roar on the other end of the phone and Raven was sure the people in the apartment building thought there was an earthquake.

_You never call me when you're sober_

_You only want it 'cause it's over_

_It's over_

Raven tossed him the phone, looking disgusted with the girl who was on the other line. Beast Boy looked down at the phone, trying to decide what to do. She shook her head running her fingers through his hair, smiling as it spiked in the back with the longer pieces falling into his eyes.

"Tell her it's over, Gar. She's changed you for the worse and I want to see you laugh and joke again and if you are with her it won't happen." Raven said, watching him slowly as he put the phone to his ear.

"It's over, Terra. I'm coming to pick up my stuff and then I'll be gone." Beast Boy stated. He could almost hear Terra break down into tears.

"_Okay. I'll see you soon_." She whispered before hanging up the phone. Beast Boy stared at Raven in a mix of confusion. He couldn't read her mind but for some reason she had made his decision for him and he knew that it was right. He took a deep breath in and nodded.

"Well I better go get my stuff." He muttered softly. She nodded before leaning over wrapping her arms around his neck giving him a solid hug.

"She's not going to be happy when you get there so please be careful." Raven stated. He shrugged, throwing the covers off and moving to his bag of clothing. "If you want you can move the stuff in here. I don't mind." He turned sharply, looking at her in shock. She was turned away from him starting to make the bed. He continued to stare.

"Sure." He replied before throwing on a pair of jeans and a green t-shirt. He walked into the bathroom closing the door.

Raven sighed as she finished making the bed. She moved over to her closet, grabbing out her own pair of jeans and a shirt. She felt a hand on her shoulder and she spun around to see Beast Boy with his leather jacket over his shoulder. He smiled, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek.

"I'll see you when I get back." He said, heading for the door. She nodded slowly and he was gone.

Raven slumped to the floor. What had she done? She had told Beast Boy to tell Terra it was over and he had done it. No questions asked. He loved Terra so much and he had simply thrown it all away when she had said the word. Plus the feeling in her chest, she didn't understand. Part of her knew what it was but after the pain and the hurt she had suffered, there was no way she could feel that again. She had barely felt it when Mark had first started pursuing her. Her heart had belonged to someone else but it wasn't returned and she had pushed it away. She wasn't going to admit it to herself. '_Still what have I done to Gar's life?'_ Raven thought.

_How could I have burned paradise?_

_How could I – you were never mine_

Raven sighed, leaning against her closet door. The broken glass from her mirror sat beside her on the floor. She looked at it sadly as tears started to roll down her cheeks. She loved him but she wasn't going to admit that out loud. She had loved him for so long and yet she had pushed it all away. She had pushed her emotions away to the darkest recesses of her mind and now only a few were starting to show themselves. It was time she went back to her mediation to see her other sides. She would take Beast Boy with her though. She wasn't sure she could do it alone. Raven ran fingers through her hair as she cried. How often had she thought, don't cry to herself.

_So don't cry to me_

Another voice had always thought of Beast Boy and wondered about that night they shared a kissed and had wondered if he had loved her then. She remembered crying on the bathroom floor many a nights, after Mark had beaten her and tortured her mind. She had always wondered…

_If you loved me,_

_You would be here with me_

Raven cried harder and harder letting the anguish of pent up years course through her. She knew she had to cry to heal and now she would with Beast Boy's help. He was on his way to get his things from his apartment, he had shared with Terra. She had made up his mind for him because she couldn't handle them lying to themselves. She just wished, he would say to her that he did in fact love her and then it would all be so much simpler.

"Is it so hard for us to admit it out loud?" She whispered into the darkness. '_Yes.' _She thought sadly. '_I am too scared, he will be like Mark but I know he won't hurt me. He cares about me too much to do that to me. He would never hurt me but then why am I so scared?'_

_Don't lie to me_

_Just get your things,_

_I've made up your mind._

A soft pull from some distance away made her cry harder. Mark was calling to her, calling her to come to him. She would have to leave Beast Boy, she realized as sobs rattled her still frail body. She would leave before anything further could happen between them. She would stay a few more days then leave to go back to Mark for she couldn't refuse his call.

**To Be Continued…**

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Everyone cheer Terra bitch will be out of his life. Of course there's always the little problem of Raven leaving to go to Mark, which makes me wonder what will BB do?? (Don't worry I think I know). Anyway Please Review.

**Next Chapter:** _Always _(I think). Beast Boy has to confront a livid Terra while packing his things.


	13. Always

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I had writer's block for a several weeks and I was sick for some of them. I am back in school so the homework is going to pile back on. I will try to update as often as possible but I can't guarantee anything. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter and thank you for reviewing everyone!!!

Warnings: abuse, violence, swearing etc.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. I do not own the song by Saliva.

_Chapter Thirteen_

_Always_

Beast Boy walked into the garage flicking on the lights. He grabbed a key from the rack not caring which vehicle it was as long as it wasn't Cyborg's. He pressed the unlock button and the lights on a red convertible flashed. He walked over and jumped over the car door. He started the engine and pressed his foot to the gas, the engine revved and the tires squealed as he rocked out of the garage.

Beast Boy ran fingers through his hair with a shaky hand. So many thoughts rushed through his head. Raven had made up his mind for him, which shocked him but at the same time it seemed she had lifted some burden off his shoulders. He had been so confused about the whole situation and though he didn't really want to admit it he still was. '_Don't be so blind! Terra never really loved you; she never said it to you unless you prompted her. She used to run off most days saying she was doing something else leaving you alone in the house and she would come home at odd times in the morning. Where was she all that time? Out with someone else perhaps? She just used you. You know it's true_.' A voice said in his head.

He clenched his teeth suppressing the need to growl. '_I still love her even though I have always loved Raven. God I love Raven.'_ He thought with a smile. '_Terra didn't want you. She just didn't want Raven to have you. She pretended to love you; she never actually cared about you. This was all just a part of a plan. This was a game for her.'_ That voice nagged.

_I hear a voice say 'Don't be so blind'_

_It's telling me all these things_

_That you would probably hide_

_Am I your one and only desire?_

_Am I the reason you breathe?_

_Or am I the reason you cry?_

He sighed as he pulled over in front of the apartment building. He shut off the engine slowly and sat in the car for a moment trying to prepare himself for the worse. That little voice seemed to come nagging back at him, '_You may love her but think of the things she did to you. She used you. She played you for a fool. She left you alone in solitude waiting for her to come home. She probably cheated on you. Come on think about it.'_ Beast Boy groaned burying his head into the steering wheel. The voice was right but he couldn't get over the fact that he was still in love with her. An image flashed before his eyes of smiling lips and silky hair of violet. He smirked a little at the thought. He was going crazy. He was being pulled in two directions by his own heart and mind.

_Always_

_Always _

_Always_

_Always _

_Always_

_Always_

_Always_

_I just can't live without you_

Beast Boy climbed out of the car and entered the lobby of the building. The elevator ride felt like forever before the doors opened to the 14th floor. He turned down the right hallway heading towards the door. As he approached he noticed the entire floor sounded eerily quiet but he pushed the thought out of his mind as he stopped in front of the door. He jammed the key into the lock and walked in.

The apartment looked the same for the most part. There wasn't a mess on the floor anymore but the furniture seemed to be in the same place. The entire place was in darkness as the blinds were shut to. He glanced around the apartment looking for the blond locks that belonged to Terra. He slipped off his shoes and walked further inside. As he entered the living room, he could feel the hairs on his neck prickle. He looked in the far corner to see Terra sitting in a large chair that hadn't been there before. He froze as those icy blue eyes stared at him.

"Well hello, Beast Boy. I was wondering when you would show up. I figured you would fuck that slut before you came here. Obviously you already had." Terra said her voice dripping with venom. Beast Boy growled low in his throat. '_How dare she call Raven a slut! How dare she say that I slept with her!'_ "Oh, so I am right?"

"No. You're. Not." He said biting out each word as his anger suddenly seemed to take over. She smirked as she stood walking a few feet towards him, her hands glowing slightly as she tried to control her own anger.

"You're leaving me, the love of your life for some two-bit trashy whore. Weren't you the one who always said you couldn't live without me?" She asked her voice coated with fake sweetness. Beast Boy felt his eyes glow dangerously in the darkness of the room. '_How could you have ever loved a bitch like her?'_ That voice wondered.

_I love you_

_I hate you_

_I can't live without you_

_I breathe you_

_I taste you_

_I can't live without you_

_I just can't take anymore _

_This life of solitude_

_I guess I'm out the door_

_And now I'm done with you_

"I was mistaken back then. You had me wrapped around your fucking pinkie finger. You made me believe you loved me but you never did. This was just some sick twisted game of yours. You never wanted me around. You wanted to have a life where you could fuck what you wanted, when you wanted without being tied down. I guess I was wrong that I couldn't live without you. And you are the one that is a whore. Now if you don't mind I'm here to pack my things." Beast Boy stated heading towards the bedroom not even bothering to look back over his shoulder at the girl. He heard her stomp after him as he entered the bedroom.

_I feel like you don't want me around_

_I guess I'll pack all my things_

_I guess I'll see you around_

He grabbed a bag from his closet as he started piling clothing in from the closet. He felt her storm into the bedroom as the floor shook a little from her powers. He didn't look up as he felt her stand over him.

"I should kill you now so that you can't ever have what you want. I am the only one you should ever want. You love me. You want me. You can't even live without me. It's only because of that tramp using her magic on you that you don't love me anymore." Terra shrieked as the floor continued to shake. Beast Boy stopped in his movements slowly turning towards her.

"For your information, Raven has been as high as a kite she wouldn't even know how to use her powers let alone work magic on me. I still love you but I don't want you anymore. I don't need you anymore. It'll take some time for me to find out if I can't live without you but I'm pretty sure I can. Now if you have nothing else you want to say I am trying to pack so I can get out of your life for good." He said his voice as cold as steel before he continued packing.

_Inside it bottles up until now_

_As I walk out your door_

_All I can hear is the sound_

Terra's powers seemed to make the building shake even more as his anger climbed to heights that Beast Boy never imagined. He felt rather than heard her leave the room for him to continue packing. He found another of his bags and started putting his mementos in it. He was breathing heavy trying to calm down his heart that was beating so fast. He was scared that she was right that he couldn't live without her but he knew he had before so why not now?

He ran his fingers through his hair shakily as he heard a door slam somewhere in the apartment. The house continued to shake continuously but that was something he didn't care about. He growled as a scent from the bed made him stop. He knew scents all too well and this was one he was shocked about.

_Always_

_Always _

_Always_

_Always_

_Always_

_Always_

_Always_

_I just can't live without you_

He turned to Terra as she walked into the room. His eyes were glow an eerie green as he glared at her. Her hands shook as she took a step into the room. He looked at her hands but didn't care about what was held in them.

"You slept with him." His voice held nothing but contempt for the girl in front of him. She seemed a little taken a back by his statement causing her to move slightly back into the hallway. "You slept with _him!_" Beast Boy seemed to be panting rather hard for the anger in his veins seemed to be rushing faster and faster.

_I love you_

_I hate you_

_I can't live without you_

_I breathe you_

_I taste you_

_I can't live without you_

_I can't take anymore _

_This life of solitude_

_I guess that I'm out the door_

_And now I'm done with you_

_I love you_

_I hate you_

_I can't live without you_

Terra glared at him as she smirked smugly. Her smirk turned into a full out laugh as she turned her head towards the ceiling howling in laughter. Beast Boy watched her seething as she continued to laugh before her head turned towards him maliciously.

"So the beasts' senses finally picked up his scent. Took you long enough to notice it. I'm surprised you didn't notice it before when I came home nights. His scent was all over me and in me. Too bad it took you this long to figure it out otherwise maybe you could have saved poor little Raven a little sooner." She said heartlessly. Beast Boy yowled loudly, it echoing throughout the small room. He leered at her as his muscles seemed to tighten in anticipation of what was to come.

"You slept with Mark. You let that happen to Raven. I can never forgive you for that." His voice stated in steel coldness.

_I left my head around your heart_

_Why would you tear my world apart?_

_Always_

_Always_

_Always_

_Always_

Terra didn't seem very fazed by what he said to her as she moved farther into the room. A pistol shook in her glowing hand as she aimed it at Beast Boy. He didn't move knowing the girl would shoot if he did.

. "If I hadn't shown up just after your birthday, things would have gotten a little out of hand between you and Raven. I knew you still had feelings for me so all we had to do was find someone the little birdie would be interested in. We made it so but then that bitch had to try to kill herself and you went running to her. You just had to be a hero and make sure that she didn't die. If she had all would have worked out but no, you had to go and save her. The plan would have been complete and nothing could have stopped us. So now I have to change the plan and make it sure you don't make it back to her." Terra assumed as the pistol shook in her hand.

Beast Boy just stared at her for a moment. Thoughts ran through his head quicker than he could recognize them. '_Terra and Mark had worked together to keep him and Raven apart but why? Mark had tried to kill Raven's spirit so that nothing remained but an empty shell. Terra tried to isolate me so that I would be hers always. Why did they want to keep Raven and I apart so badly?' _He thought. '_It's Raven's blood on her hands. She did that to Raven not just Mark. Raven's injuries were caused by her. This was all part of her plan.'_ That voice declared loudly. He crouched down lower his muscles readying themselves for anything. His dangerous green eyes never left her icy blue ones.

_I see the blood all over your hands_

_Does it make you feel more like a man?_

_Was it all just a part of your plan?_

He lunged at her grabbing for the pistol. She gasped as her back landed against the wall hard. He struggled for several moments with her. Her hands and eyes glowing as the floor beneath his feet arched and pitched in an attempt to shake him from the pistol. He wouldn't give up; he wasn't going to die here not after everything he had been through. He hissed his fangs showing to the other blond. She just smirked.

"Oh the little kitty has come out to play to bad that beast isn't there otherwise he might just have a chance to win. Though I highly doubt it." She taunted. He growled biting down on her hand causing her to let go of the pistol. He grabbed it, backing away from her slowly. He grabbed his bags slinging them over his shoulder as the pistol shook nervously in his hands.

_The pistols shaking in my hands_

_And all I hear is the sound_

_I love you _

_I hate you_

_I can't live without you_

_I breathe you _

_I taste you_

_I can't live without you_

_I just can't take anymore_

_This life of solitude_

_I guess I'm out the door_

_And now I'm done with you_

Terra hissed at him as she cradled her wounded hand. Beast Boy stood looking at her with hate-filled eyes. He had never loved someone only to find out how much he really hated them for what they did to him and someone he cared about. All the tender moments he had shared with her didn't matter anymore. All the things they had said and done didn't matter either. He was done with her and as soon as he could get to the door, he was gone and never coming back. Then he would have the rest of the Teen Titans hunting down her and Mark. They would rot in prison if he had anything to say about it.

He shook violently; his heart was still reaching out for her. He couldn't hurt someone he had loved. It just wasn't in his nature.

"What's the problem Beast Boy? Don't have the guts to kill me?" She asked haughtily. He glared at her as he pointed the pistol at her. He moved closer causing her to step back into the hallway. He followed after her as she moved into the living room he slipped into the entry way slipping on his shoes with the front door at his back.

_I love you_

_I hate you_

_I can't live without you_

"I'm done with you, Terra. If I ever see your face again, I won't hesitate to kill you. You hurt Raven even if you never laid a hand on her. It was your plan that made her become the way she is today. I don't care why you tried to tear us apart but I will make sure you or Mark never does it again." He said reaching for the doorknob and turning it slowly. She laughed.

"Oh don't worry. We won't be apart for very long. Our plan will come together even if it wasn't the way we originally planned it. Now go home to the slut while you still can." She chuckled as the floor pitched causing him to fall on his tailbone. He glared at her as he picked himself off the floor.

"Oh I am not worried at all, bitch. Unlike you I have friends that are willing to back me up. I have people who actually care about me. So I don't have to live a life of solitude with you." Beast Boy stated as he turned and walked out the door.

_I love you _

_I hate you_

_I can't live without you_

_I just can't take anymore_

_This life of solitude_

_I pick myself off the floor_

_And now I'm done with you_

Beast Boy threw the bags and pistol in the back of the car before he started the engine and roaring back towards the Tower and to Raven. '_I promise I won't let anyone come between Raven and I again. Mark and Terra are going to pay for what they did to her and what they did to me. I will always go after Raven. I will always protect her with my life. I will always love her, no matter what.'_

_Always_

_Always_

_Always_

**To Be Continued…**

I hope you enjoyed. I'm not sure if this chapter turned out the way I wanted it to but I think it works. Anyway I'll try to update again soon. Please Review.

**Next Chapter:**I'm thinking of using Wash Away Those Years but I'm not sure yet. All I know is it's time for Raven to start to recover.


	14. Author's Note

**Original Author's Note**

Dear Readers and Reviewers,

I know I'm not supposed to put Author Notes up but this is rather important for you all to know. I have changed the name back to Descendant of Doom but have created a new account named Rebellious Rogue.

I will be moving some of the stories I will be continuing to my Rebellious Rogue. I am currently going through yet another change in my life meaning some of my values have changed as well. I am very sorry for not finishing the others but if I feel to finish them I will. If I have someone who wants to finish them I will gladly give the work over to them.

On my profile page of this account will be a list of what I will be moving over so that you do know which ones will be continued. Once again I am sorry for those ones that I am leaving unfinished.

Yours Truly,

Descendant of Doom/Rebellious Rogue

**Added Author's Note**

This was originally supposed to be housed at my new account Rebellious Rogue but I decided to leave it on here. I am planning once again to use my Descendant of Doom account so please watch out for new stories and hopefully new chapters for this story.

If you have any questions, concerns, or comments, feel free to contact me.

Yours Truly,

Descendant of Doom


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